Every day, we engage in many forms of conversation - whether it's discussing the latest Netflix show with friends, solving practical problems at work, or expressing our emotions to our loved ones. However, we often forget that there are different kinds of conversations that require different communication approaches.
In his latest book, "Super Communicators," Charles Duhigg delves into the tips and strategies that elevate the art of conversation with emotional understanding and social finesse.
The Three Types of Conversations
In any conversation, there are three underlying frameworks: practical, emotional, and social conversations. The practical arc is about discussing practicalities, giving factual information, and solving problems. Emotional conversations, on the other hand, revolve around expressing how we feel, seeking empathy, and discussing emotions. Finally, social conversations relate to social dynamics, interpersonal relations, and societal perspectives.
Understanding these categories helps people navigate their conversations better, ensuring that both participants are on the same lexical plane. If the two parties aren't having the same kind of conversation, miscommunications can quickly lead to misunderstanding and conflict.
Understanding Your Conversation Partner: The Process
An essential skill in becoming a super communicator is the art of listening. It doesn't just mean hearing the words spoken but taking in the underlying sentiment and context. This process, known in communication literature as "looping for understanding," involves three steps: asking a question, repeating back to ensure understanding, and asking if you got it right.
Looping for understanding is a powerful tool in a conversation as it shows that you are genuinely interested in understanding the other person's viewpoint. Moreover, it opens up a space for authentic communication and reduces misunderstandings.
Difficult Conversations: How to Navigate?
Facts and emotions often clash in difficult conversations, making them hard to navigate. However, using the principles of super communicators, we can turn these situations to our advantage.
Instead of trying to impose our viewpoints or convince the other person, the purpose of a conversation should be to understand each other. By leaving our opinions at the door and approaching the discussion with open curiosity, it allows both parties to feel heard and respected. The focus shifts from winning the argument to fostering deeper understanding and connection.
Building Authentic Connections
Being authentic in a conversation doesn't mean that every conversation should be deep or serious. In fact, super communicators also use laughter and light-heartedness to build connections. They ask significantly more questions, express genuine curiosity, and don't shy away from showing their vulnerabilities. Their focus isn't necessarily on arriving at a solution but rather on truly understanding the other person's experience and perspective.
Conclusion
Becoming a super communicator does not happen overnight. It's a skill that needs to be nurtured and practiced over time. However, understanding the different kinds of conversations and using tools like looping can drastically improve our communication skills.
Charles Duhigg's "Super Communicators" provides a refreshing perspective on communication, reminding everyone of the joy that comes from truly understanding another person. Whether you're a podcast host, a business leader, or anyone looking to improve your communication skills, this book offers invaluable insights into the art of conversation.
Listen to the episode here: How to become a Super-communicator | Charles Duhigg
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