From Combat to Clarity: A Blueprint for Transformation | Wylie McGraw

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[00:00:55] Wiley McGraw, very interesting guy. He was a soldier for many years. He went to Afghanistan.

[00:01:00] He went to Iraq. He's been in bloody military engagements. And he's also kind of a unique

[00:01:10] kind of performance coach where he really tries to be disruptive in a way that many coaches are afraid

[00:01:18] to be in order to help his clients improve and upscale their lives. And so we talk about both

[00:01:25] things. First, I always want to know this and I've spoken about this with Jocco Willink as well.

[00:01:30] Like are any wars ever justified? So we kind of talk first about his military experience

[00:01:37] and I ask that question and we have a conversation about it. And then we talk more specifically

[00:01:42] about what he does and how he's built. I don't want to call him a coach. He doesn't call himself a

[00:01:46] coach, but basically he's become a high performance experts for CEOs, celebrities, athletes and so on.

[00:01:53] And I'm always curious about that business and industry and also how I can perform at a peak level

[00:01:59] which I feel I don't often do it. I'm trying to get better at least figure it out a little bit more.

[00:02:05] So here's Wiley McGraw and it's a really engaging conversation on a bunch of different levels.

[00:02:09] This isn't your average business podcast and he's not your average host.

[00:02:19] This is the James Altiger show.

[00:02:32] Well it's interesting we can see Mars right? We can see billions of light years away

[00:02:35] but for some reason our Wi-Fi is always a problem. That's it's funny.

[00:02:40] That is funny. Why can't basic things be done?

[00:02:45] It's seemingly impossible things can be done, but they just can't get the internet to work.

[00:02:51] You wish you could figure out a problem solved that most basic necessities that were

[00:02:54] when we depend on technology, it's like okay, blows my mind.

[00:02:59] Like I could ask AI make a video generated by AI of Wiley and James talking

[00:03:06] and it'll make a better video than the video you and I are making right now.

[00:03:10] You would not right now? Yeah, I know it blows my mind.

[00:03:13] But it won't be able to send it to us because our Wi-Fi is down.

[00:03:17] You got to love it 2024 and this is what we're still dealing with.

[00:03:21] Yeah well we're also dealing with a lot of wars around the world so

[00:03:26] so you're upcoming book and I want to talk about all the high performance stuff because this is

[00:03:31] near and dear to my heart but why is your next book called War Is My Vacation?

[00:03:36] War was my vacation. You know it's a memoir I think people have been wanting me to write for

[00:03:41] like 10 years now. It's really about the stories that I've shared. Again, I don't have

[00:03:47] I'm not an anomaly when it comes to the military community but my own unique experiences

[00:03:52] I think a lot of veterans can relate to it where whole life seem more like a combat zone than

[00:03:58] the actual combat zones that we fought in. So there's a lot of that the stories are yeah,

[00:04:02] I grew up in a very upper middle class family, very organized family but at the same time sports

[00:04:09] I had everything I needed however the dynamics in between human beings were a little bit more

[00:04:16] dysfunctional and chaotic so it's like high functioning dysfunctional relationships

[00:04:20] and having to deal with and navigate through the fact that I was always the black sheep or the

[00:04:25] scapegoat of the family having to really break through and understand why everybody jumped

[00:04:28] the darkness that they carried on me no matter where I was at. What do you mean?

[00:04:33] Like what darkness? It just people carry a lot of their own demons you know what I mean so it's

[00:04:40] when they carry their own personal demons, they need outlets. They look and seek for outlets

[00:04:45] to let go of it or release it. They don't realize half the time that they're doing that

[00:04:50] a lot of times people misuse relationships for the healing that they're looking for.

[00:04:55] They find themselves in relationships that are matching the dysfunction that they're used to

[00:04:59] or that they grow up around. I just was always the place for people to give secrets and tell

[00:05:04] their truth and share with me what they were going through even at a young age but I didn't

[00:05:08] understand that so I think war was my vacation really it was just about highlighting how a military

[00:05:12] in combat were more of a vacation in comparison to what I had to deal with from relationship

[00:05:16] dynamics and family life and how that can relate to other veterans that actually serve the military

[00:05:20] and escape a lot of their dysfunctional and use of families growing up to heal land and find

[00:05:26] a fine focus in the end world so that's what that book is really all about. Where'd you go up?

[00:05:31] Southern California Orange County. Okay and then where did you serve? What can you talk about your

[00:05:38] war experience? Yeah I was with the I was light impotriment so I specialize in more gun systems

[00:05:43] as with 101st Airborne Division specifically I served with the rocket songs which is the

[00:05:48] 1 8 7 infantry regiment. They called them the rocket songs Japanese saw the paratroopers

[00:05:54] jumping into Korea and they gave them a turn the falling umbrella that's what rocket song stands for

[00:05:59] so that's what they considered the Airborne Regimental Combat Team with the 1 8 7 infantry regiment

[00:06:03] who did a lot of operational stuff with the range regiment special operations from Vietnam,

[00:06:08] Korea desert storm all the way through the global war and terrorism so I did that 5 and

[00:06:12] half years with them 3 churns overseas went to Coastal, Afghanistan and Iraq.

[00:06:17] Wow I mean can you talk about like I mean clearly it wasn't a total vacation like was there

[00:06:25] was there an intense experience that happened that was maybe darker than some of the relationship stuff?

[00:06:33] Yeah you know more it isn't just it is dark I think I love the contrast really of like how I

[00:06:39] enjoyed my time overseas being with my brothers and being able to go on release these high-stakes

[00:06:44] operations being part of something greater serving serving my country and now I understand the

[00:06:49] political side of things a lot of people like well a lot of lies that were going on in the wars

[00:06:53] you participated in yes of course that's always been there throughout history since World War 2

[00:06:58] but I think in combat especially with Coastal I got my first taste of interacting with an

[00:07:03] army 20 years old I was in the 3 went on a covert reconnaissance mission got involved with capturing

[00:07:08] some high-value targets out there that were dealing with the genit genocide or ethnic cleansing that

[00:07:13] was happening facing AK47 for the first time got close to my very first gun fight got shot at

[00:07:19] for the first time going to Afghanistan was when I really got into some real combat situations

[00:07:25] you know against the Taliban in the mountains of Afghanistan where we are engaged with a smaller

[00:07:30] aspire you know hot LZs were coming into land or our birds so they can drop us off we were going

[00:07:35] to be you know being engaged by the enemy but having friends you know getting hit in their

[00:07:40] body armor next to me during those gun fights was surreal didn't kill him but I have lost friends

[00:07:46] of those situations or being involved as more of an sending rounds down rage to protect my guys

[00:07:51] over you know in troops and contacts killing the enemy so that we can get you to save their lives

[00:07:55] it was a surreal moment as well just experiencing the overall eeriness that comes along with actually

[00:08:01] doing the job you had trained for that you expected to do when you're actually in the real game

[00:08:07] it's a completely different world so it really puts you in a position to understand your

[00:08:11] mortality a little bit differently and really understand your capacity and your potential

[00:08:16] and know what it takes to be common chaos and know how to execute upon the task you have been

[00:08:20] repetitive with in your training for so many years and realizing you're there new to the job

[00:08:24] but one of the biggest things for us was I'm going to let them die for their country and I'm

[00:08:30] going to let them go home in a body bag and the mindset of that is like I want to make it

[00:08:34] home and I want to make sure that I do my job right doesn't mean I'm going to I'm not guaranteed

[00:08:38] to but I'm gonna make sure I'm 100% focused upon the mission at hand and I'm gonna take care

[00:08:44] of the brothers the left and right of me and then if I make it home great if I don't then I've

[00:08:47] done my best to serve my country and I've died underneath my flag for so I guess more in itself

[00:08:53] is heinous so it's the best way to describe it how come you signed up for the military

[00:08:58] well I have a legacy military family so every man in my family is service as World War II my

[00:09:04] grandparents both my grandfather's were D day vets my uncles were special forces and me and

[00:09:08] now my dad was a corpsman of Vietnam my stepdad was a deserts for bed so everybody we just had

[00:09:13] this connection to service selfless service for our nation that was there but part of it was

[00:09:19] and I know like you like to talk about those adversity those moments of adversity in our life

[00:09:24] where we choose our own path and the military came really knocking when I was in high school when

[00:09:29] I was basically getting competitive bull riding while I'm still playing competitive baseball and my dad

[00:09:34] was not happy with the idea that I wasn't 100% focused on baseball it was pretty pissed off at me

[00:09:38] it was like you know what if you're gonna do that bull riding crap you know you might as well just

[00:09:41] get out of here and go do something else and I thought you know what good point so we did a junior

[00:09:46] reaq program my brother and I when we were in high school and we loved it and I decided at 17 years

[00:09:50] old I was gonna join the army reservists to get some experience before I graduated but when I

[00:09:54] graduated I wanted to go be in the infantry and go jump out airplanes go to ranger school and do

[00:09:58] those really fun you know high speed things and that's where we decided to go so it became a stepping

[00:10:03] stone for me to really evolve as a man and really understand more myself and give it to the positions

[00:10:07] to be around other high performing individuals who are all focused on bettering themselves and doing

[00:10:11] really cool fun things but at the same time is always just ingrained in me to be a selfless

[00:10:16] service I've always wanted to be a firefighter as a kid I was just give you the way taking care of

[00:10:21] people donating volunteering etc at a young age and it just never left me so that's why I joined

[00:10:27] so you mentioned earlier that of course there's a lot of you know lies and I'm sure when you're

[00:10:33] on the battlefield you can't think about the politics like there's no room for that but

[00:10:37] when you come home and like now you see and this won't be I'm just curious this won't be like

[00:10:44] a political pockets maybe but when you see like oh my gosh the Taliban who I fought and who we

[00:10:50] fought for like 20 years is now in charge of Afghanistan like how does it how does that make you feel

[00:10:58] sad upset I think there was a lot of emotion when that pull out happened a lot of conversations I had

[00:11:05] with brothers of mine that were still in the military now guys I served with they're I have lost

[00:11:10] for that war so I think it was just was a gut punch in a way that I never expected I think a lot of

[00:11:15] us can relate to that where we realized we feel betrayed what was the point of us doing all of that why

[00:11:20] did we stay there as long as we did why do we sacrifice as much as we did when we were promised

[00:11:25] that it was the whole point was a block very specific target for a very specific reason and then

[00:11:29] we're going to get it and get out and then next you know you're hearing murmurs about nation building

[00:11:33] and freedom and things like that and you're kind of going yeah but that's you're kind of you're

[00:11:37] deluding the cause and the purpose of why you sent it's here in the first place and I think it

[00:11:40] just really became this emotional state of anger frustration rage sadness and betrayal you know

[00:11:49] felt very betrayed like yeah they're in charge 20 years later they got our weapons systems now

[00:11:53] they're in charge of the very thing we were looking to liberate and buddies of mine that I've

[00:11:56] met that are from Afghanistan and said the same thing like I feel sad too because you guys came in

[00:12:00] and we're we're doing a lot of good for us a lot of our towns and things like that but at the same time

[00:12:05] there was a lot of that political agenda that was behind it that we were unaware of that just

[00:12:09] failed and I think it stems from leadership really not putting their ducks in a row and understanding

[00:12:14] what they're really doing and these ulterior motives that are sinister and very asymmetrical

[00:12:19] and I think that's a big problem to it too so it just broke our hearts it was really bad and this

[00:12:23] is not like party related because if you think about it like Afghanistan and Iraq was you know

[00:12:28] Bush Obama you know Trump Biden like it's all it's Democrat and Republican right and

[00:12:34] like why didn't why didn't anybody wake up and say hey let's get realistic here and you know

[00:12:42] Iraq now is run by Iran Afghanistan is run by the Taliban we spent trillions of dollars yeah

[00:12:50] you know and again I'm not you know I'm not going to go out there and like march in the streets but

[00:12:54] when you think about it what cluster whatever it was yeah yeah James it is and I think there

[00:13:04] were a lot of veterans a lot of guys in the military that were trying to combat the degradation

[00:13:09] of leadership and the decision making that was happening at the higher levels but again when you

[00:13:13] have a war machine that's bent around the will of politicians and these ulterior motives again

[00:13:19] it's a business too we got to be realistic around it as well a lot of these contractors and these

[00:13:24] private entities that are involved in this trillions of dollars go into the pocket of people

[00:13:27] to make the weapons that we go off and use to go fight wars it doesn't mean that there aren't

[00:13:32] good causes there but it does water down why we're doing what we're doing in the purpose behind

[00:13:37] serving our country and it really starts to leave the bad pacing about it I think there were a lot

[00:13:40] of people are trying to fight that but they're overwhelmed by the other side so to speak you know

[00:13:46] not being politically there but the other side of people's ambitions and desires of what they want

[00:13:51] what they see is best and the relationships they've forged and then shadows kind of overpowers

[00:13:56] those that are truly trying to get people back on track so people tried I think it's going to take

[00:14:00] a more of a radical shift in approach to really to get things back on course or at least somewhat

[00:14:05] revive what we are otherwise we're gonna we're gonna be in a bad place as we are experiencing right now

[00:14:11] a bad place in the sense that other countries won't trust us or they won't want to do business

[00:14:15] yeah brother I think it's I think it's the fact that we're losing credibility in a world stage

[00:14:20] with our allies we're betraying people that trusted us like the people that served with us in

[00:14:23] Afghanistan and even Iraq we've caused chaos into different regions that through the

[00:14:28] old region into an unstable boiling pot like Iraq specifically it's also the trust in the military

[00:14:35] itself trust in the veteran the people that serve in the military the veteran community is not

[00:14:39] trusting the military we have legacy families that are telling people to not serve to avoid military

[00:14:44] service at all cost so all you're doing is you're leaving the vacuum for bad actors to serve in

[00:14:50] the military who have their own agendas their ideologies their their approaches to the way they

[00:14:55] want things to operate and that further erodes the the entirety of the system itself and it pulls

[00:15:01] away from the reason why we have a functioning well-functioned military and a free free country that

[00:15:05] we have built for the last 269 years

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[00:16:11] what was the last war or major military action do you think we were involved in

[00:16:16] where we a it was justified and b we did a good job

[00:16:22] i'm not saying you did a bad job no i'm not good as a country like you did a good job

[00:16:28] but as a country yeah like you're right like i've had a little glimpse into kind of the whole

[00:16:34] military you know how much they i mean it costs $30,000 a day to suit up a soldier in Afghanistan

[00:16:42] and yeah that's a lot of soldiers in a lot of days i mean it adds up to enormous amount of money

[00:16:47] that goes into the pockets of the executives and shareholders of the major military they make

[00:16:53] an enormous amount of money and then it's all just wasted 20 years so okay my question though

[00:16:59] is like what's the last war where yeah that was that was a good war that was a righteous war

[00:17:07] i'm gonna to miscue myself towards war war two a little bit i think that's

[00:17:14] word of their alternative was there of course however i think we there was a deeper purpose

[00:17:20] behind the motivations for united states to get involved in that conflict and the fact that

[00:17:24] that we could see on a bigger scale more transparently speaking that we are actually affecting change

[00:17:30] and we are liberating you know countries over in europe and we are fighting evil together

[00:17:37] that did not need to exist and that's the job of the military is we are we joined the military

[00:17:41] truly especially to get in the combat arms is because we are good guys with bad intentions to go

[00:17:47] over and stop bad guys with bad intentions for being able to exist on the planet and cause more

[00:17:51] having an in hell that actually destroys humanity so i think war war two is a very

[00:17:58] significant inflection point where we realize we are doing this for the patriotic nature of what

[00:18:03] freedom and liberty stands were not necessary democracy or anything else but just what liberty

[00:18:08] itself specifically means and giving people that liberation that they long for that they deserve

[00:18:12] when we have a tyrant that's trying to do some really heinous stuff despite what their motives

[00:18:16] really are whether you agree with them or not i think from there we started to lose traction

[00:18:21] and we started to almost overutilize our military industrial complex as our only chip for foreign

[00:18:29] policy when we start leaning in and saying our military might is all we need you start to really

[00:18:34] create fractures inform policy you start to destroy the purpose of why we're doing what we're doing

[00:18:38] and the wars would just become an element of ambition rather than a purpose of securing democracy

[00:18:45] freedom liberty republic et cetera that we all say that we want for the world so i think that the

[00:18:49] war war two was Vietnam was was a mess career was a mess desert storm was interesting but then when

[00:18:56] we went to Afghanistan and Iraq especially in Iraq we realized there was the lies over total we

[00:19:00] kind of were all aware that when we got there so we kind of look back chronologically and go

[00:19:04] what happened to us for war war two to this point well what what did we do wrong or how do we miss

[00:19:09] out where did our leadership fail and that's what we're trying to figure out right now and get back to

[00:19:14] well do you think do you think ison hours warning of a military industrial he used the first one to

[00:19:18] use the term a military industrial complex right do you think we ignored him like and he couldn't

[00:19:24] he couldn't shut it down it was already a machine that was moving forward the best I can say is without

[00:19:30] because I can i'm not an expert on those types of foreign you know policies as myself but what

[00:19:35] out from the outside in or at least from serving as well and having conversations with people in

[00:19:39] politics I think for the majority of it yes I think we've ignored we hear it we go you know James

[00:19:46] we hear we go that's such great concept a lot of the times people are so distracted by more ambitions

[00:19:51] and more you know opportunities that they have and the money etc they goes involved inside the

[00:19:55] military itself that they actually forget the deeper meaning of what Eisenhower had said why he

[00:20:01] said what he said where does it coming from what was the purpose of even sharing those thoughts

[00:20:06] there he didn't just say it just because he wanted to sound cool and have some meme down the road

[00:20:10] there was a promise behind his prophecy and letting us know hey there's a reason why we should be careful

[00:20:15] on how we utilize the war machine itself and our military our military is here to protect our nation

[00:20:21] it's a showcase the fact that we are strong we are self-sufficient and we are here to support other

[00:20:26] nations are allies that need help when they need help it's not to be used as a tool to go enforce

[00:20:33] our agendas on other populations when our foreign policy or diplomacy has failed or we can't

[00:20:39] figure out how to actually negotiate properly and I think a lot of leaders have failed in that

[00:20:43] department so they go you know what I've got the military I can just lean on the might of our

[00:20:46] United States military and I can use it at my whim to persuade my foreign policy and that's

[00:20:52] I think where we've lost our way when it comes to what Eisenhower sent up to this point yeah and then

[00:20:57] you know I even wonder and this I know this is almost like sacrilegice to say but I even wonder

[00:21:02] about world war two like we entered the war later than every other country like initially we were

[00:21:08] isolationists and and Roosevelt didn't want to go to war and kind of use pro-arvers and excuse to go

[00:21:13] to war and then by the time we got to like let's say Auschwitz we didn't get to Auschwitz actually it

[00:21:19] was the Russians so the union that liberated and there was it was even in Japan okay they there

[00:21:25] was the whole news story that hey we're gonna if we invade Japan we're gonna lose a million

[00:21:32] more soldiers so that's what we have to drop drop the top of bomb but Russia again was already

[00:21:36] invading like they were on the edge of Japan about to invade and Japan hadn't really no army left

[00:21:42] and so it's even questionable like what we accomplished you know in all deference to your

[00:21:47] you know grandparents who served the world or to of course because like I think that was a noble

[00:21:53] thing and it was it was scary and it was brave and and you and they were fighting for something

[00:21:58] but we got in almost like do you think we really I mean I'm sure we helped

[00:22:03] but it was we were sort of just bopping up at the end there yeah there's an effect right we gotta

[00:22:09] you always bring in reinforcement so there's going to be an effect especially with what we

[00:22:13] contributed I don't you know the idea that I think many Americans think that we single handily were

[00:22:18] the victory holders of war two when we showed up everything was was won but they realized that

[00:22:25] we supported and uplifted our allies and the things that they were already doing in that conflict

[00:22:30] and we really added in an extra punch to the overall purpose behind the war itself but the reality is

[00:22:38] we lost a lot of people we had a lot of problems and I don't know it's just I question it too I think

[00:22:44] every war I you know you and I have a mutual friend and Jeremy and I him and I were talking about

[00:22:49] it and it's like I share with him now more than ever I think the political ambitions and the

[00:22:54] ulterior motives of the wealthy are now more exposed than they've ever been but they've always been

[00:22:59] there I think it's since the history of man we've always had those problems I don't think there's

[00:23:02] ever been a pure or joining the military just a certain for this this one purpose only there's

[00:23:07] always been something underneath it that is going to be a party it's like throwing the baby out

[00:23:11] with the bath or you you can't get one without the other I think now more than ever especially

[00:23:16] what the Ukraine and Israel going on we're experiencing more prominently the truth about what's

[00:23:22] behind the curtain so to speak like the wizard of all as we're seeing the wizard and everybody's

[00:23:26] going whoa I don't want to do anything for that however that doesn't change we are still

[00:23:31] United States of America we still have a duty to our country and those that feel that pull to serve

[00:23:37] this there's a there's a good cause to serve your country and still not like

[00:23:41] go away where you want to you know you don't want to go sometimes we don't have that choice

[00:23:45] don't hate the warrior you can hate the war or hate the purpose but there's that fine line where it's

[00:23:52] I'm willing I would go back and do it again because I love my country I love the people in it I

[00:23:56] love my family god country family et cetera friends all of that I'm serving them I'm serving them

[00:24:02] and if I can go at least create some change somewhere in the world I don't have to agree with the

[00:24:08] rest of it I'm going to do my best to uphold to those standards and those values I'm going to do what's

[00:24:12] morally right and if I if you all something's wrong I'm going to question it and fight it and

[00:24:17] I think that's what happens people just go along unfortunately and they just do what they're told

[00:24:21] and nobody pushes back and that's where we've gone up off the rails is because more and more people

[00:24:25] have just set back and just allowed people to make decisions and nobody's questioning it because

[00:24:28] they're said it's wrong to question orders it's wrong to question people's ambitions and motives

[00:24:33] no it's not if you feel it's wrong you have every right to question it and the only way we're

[00:24:37] going to stop or stave off this problem is if we have more people who have the gumption

[00:24:41] and the willingness the courage to stand up and go nope I will not do X but I will do Y and that's

[00:24:47] I think that's what we went wrong with the World War II is a lot of people started to allow that to

[00:24:51] just be let the leaders make decisions we're just going to execute and then these next wars that

[00:24:55] we experience over the next generations people were just being told to do stuff and they were just

[00:24:59] doing it yeah I mean I guess Vietnam even though it took 14 years the activists probably won

[00:25:09] in the sense that you know Nixon in 1968 pledged to end the war yeah he escalated it for a while

[00:25:17] but then after his his his reelection he basically shut it down or or for it ultimately shut it down

[00:25:23] and so it took a long time but they they got out of it and then and then and then I guess there

[00:25:29] wasn't really like anything major until desert storm right under bush and then of course you

[00:25:36] don't worry I anything major aside from maybe whatever special operations were doing in the shadows

[00:25:41] and we don't know it's one of them okay I forget about Grenada Grenada right right Panama all that

[00:25:46] where the range of regiments did what they did out there um yeah that's I and if you look at history

[00:25:51] I think to me it's it's crazy because Gondyraq in looking back at desert storm my stepdad was a

[00:25:56] desert storm bed 12 Rob will come at engineering him and I used to have nights where we'd

[00:26:00] converse about our combat experiences and it's interesting is why did we go to Iraq well look at

[00:26:05] the father son legacy okay well what you don't use your military for legacy that and that to me was

[00:26:11] that was just one reason and they're like okay this is ridiculous so I lost friends because he

[00:26:16] needed to finish something or we had resources we were curious or interested in our control mechanism

[00:26:20] we're looking to place power it's like okay this is the problem with leadership there's a lot of

[00:26:25] evil in leadership and people don't realize they are going to compound those problems like

[00:26:29] interest and down the road it's what to really create some so serious havoc and I think that's

[00:26:34] what we're experiencing now is the byproducts of 50 60 years ago be a nom et cetera we're experiencing

[00:26:39] it right now we're starting to feel those decisions weighing on us and causing more problems and

[00:26:45] it's just gonna trickle down even further and until we do something about it so it's interesting

[00:26:51] I know we've been talking a lot about military military experience but sure you mentioned earlier that

[00:26:56] before going to the military you're like a high school kid and you were into competitive bull riding

[00:27:02] and baseball pitching yeah and of those three things military competitive bull riding

[00:27:11] baseball pitching I probably would have chosen baseball pitching yeah I'm sure

[00:27:17] makes a lot of money you're playing a game it's just like I always think this about sports like

[00:27:24] it's just a bunch of guys playing with sticks and balls and getting paid 40 million a year

[00:27:31] which I don't resent that because they look these are the you know professional athletes are

[00:27:36] the most elite athletic people in the world and hundreds of millions of people are entertained by

[00:27:43] it so of course you pay the money like that's that's how capitalism works and they earn every penny of

[00:27:49] it because the owners of the teams the the owners of the media companies make 10 times as much

[00:27:55] as the players make so and and then that filters down into society like all our 401k plans and

[00:28:02] pension funds so it's the American dream at work you get to play a game and everybody benefits

[00:28:08] but why didn't so tell me about the baseball pitching so I grew up in into a I was literally

[00:28:17] born into a four-tausal so beautiful part of that is my dad my dad was a baseball player growing up

[00:28:24] and he played semi-pro ball for the San Jose B's in the 70s which is a farm team and I didn't

[00:28:30] like seven years ago who was the farm team for trying to think if you I'm trying to remember San

[00:28:34] if they were the um I don't remember what team you were right I can't even think of the top

[00:28:39] of my head right now I don't know why yeah it's because I used to go to a minor league uh team that

[00:28:45] had a stadium near near a house where I lived and I had no idea who they were they were

[00:28:49] yeah I don't remember I just know that again he played that semi-pro ball for seven years and I

[00:28:54] know he was an outfielder so he's a I think a centerfielder he had an arm and uh he actually

[00:28:59] was being looked at by the pro but in the 70s there was no money in baseball so the 80s was when

[00:29:04] things pivoted and money started to trickle in he started to get the million dollar contracts

[00:29:09] my dad also was an endless summer type guy a big surfer you know wanted to do his own thing so

[00:29:13] um when I was born at a young age I think it was like three you mentioned he was telling me we were

[00:29:18] having a glass of whiskey with AZ at three years old you picked up a ball through it across the yard and

[00:29:22] you're you know your grandfather was like okay brosie you know he's he's got a normal like you should

[00:29:27] do something with that and I think four years old he put me in my first t-ball team uh put me

[00:29:31] on the mound to stand there his t-ball you don't you know you don't pitch but when you got

[00:29:35] old enough to pitch I started playing playing that position and then my dad being a semi-pro ball player

[00:29:40] given family contacts you know new everybody in the professional league like Rod Kru from the

[00:29:45] ageals new bow jackson so I grew up around yeah that's right that's right yeah I went to school I went

[00:29:51] to high school with his daughter Michelle um you know rest her soul but um and so I grew up around

[00:29:57] those guys and my dad got me pitching lessons lessons from the ageals in the 80s the like guys

[00:30:02] like Bert why 11 and Jim Abbott and Dennis Eckersley so I met all the really cool dudes

[00:30:06] Wally Joyner I grew up in Anaheim so the angels were my go-to team um so baseball was a primary sport that

[00:30:13] I was focused I collected baseball cards as a kid offseason I was always trading them and playing

[00:30:17] with my packets and uh having that fun growing up um but it was again family dynamics are different

[00:30:24] from focusing on like hey you're gonna do this specific job or this specific sport you have to

[00:30:29] consider there's a lot more pressure depending on the family dynamics and my dad expected me as

[00:30:34] the oldest of three boys to not only be the leader of my brothers but also be a leader on my

[00:30:38] baseball teams and then of course the pressure of I needed a performance at the top of my game

[00:30:42] every year year and a year out at a young age kind of starts to make you consider or question

[00:30:48] you know why am I playing this sport you know am I doing this more for me for my dad or

[00:30:52] am I doing it more for me and my love of it and I love the game but as I got older and I got into

[00:30:57] high school specifically is where I really was like I don't feel good playing this because I feel

[00:31:02] like when I'm making mistakes or I'm not doing the best that I could be there's a lot more

[00:31:07] consequence to it than just your typical lose a game or you know train harder or do better next time

[00:31:12] and I didn't like that so I started to pull away from it more and seek out a different path

[00:31:18] for myself it wasn't that I wasn't excited about the opportunity to go play a college sport you

[00:31:23] know because I scout said I was gonna eventually meet uh maybe get to the pros because I was told I

[00:31:27] had the armate 80-mon are fastball at 13 years old I had potential it was just the pressures of

[00:31:33] family dynamics is stress that I carried from my family with what I grew up around the pressures

[00:31:38] the personality issues that I had to deal with there was a lot of that compounding on me so in

[00:31:43] high school I fell in love with the idea of seeking something that was mine truly mine nothing

[00:31:47] that was told the dealer born into but James Moore my stuff and bull riding was the world that introduced

[00:31:53] me to this like exciting new place of unknowns really started to feel the nervousness and excitement

[00:31:58] kind of what it what it did to me how it made me feel alive and I pursued that relentlessly against

[00:32:03] the pressures of my dad telling me don't do it um I wanted to do it I felt like I was alive for the

[00:32:08] first time and I was making a choice for me rather than just doing what I was told to do and that's where

[00:32:13] that separation started I mean the one thing about bull riding though is I feel like I could die from

[00:32:18] that yeah of course like did you could I mean you probably saw some serious injuries among young

[00:32:24] people I did I got injured too um it's interesting and I think this is a good lesson I've shared

[00:32:31] with people is bull riding taught me how to yield to the fear of the unknowns and in the fear

[00:32:37] of death and the fear of injury are always going to be present when you're doing very vulnerable

[00:32:42] sports or joining the military or do something very um different scary so bull riding gave me

[00:32:48] permission to learn how to be killed present with that discomfort and that fear and learning how

[00:32:53] utilize it as an asset for my goalie the state focus in the moment and be a good performer be a

[00:32:58] good bull rider uh and I noticed quickly when I got worried about being hurt or killed I actually

[00:33:03] didn't ride really well and when I changed that dynamic in my training I was able to perform better

[00:33:09] and ride more goals for the full eight seconds and actually do better in the sport or run progress

[00:33:13] in the sport than it was if I worried about oh my gosh I could get killed or I can get hurt and then

[00:33:18] sometimes when I got banged up I realized part of the sport nature of the beast no pun intended just

[00:33:23] what's going to happen I've committed to this because that is not what is going to stop me from

[00:33:27] experiencing what it is that I want to experience in this moment and uh same thing went with military

[00:33:32] I'm going to join the military I could die of course I'm signing my life away um and I've lost

[00:33:37] that signed their life away too but we don't go into the worried about dying we go into the realizing

[00:33:41] we want to do this job and we want to be good at this job and when we focus on that that's what

[00:33:46] mattered most and the consequences of our actions they are what they aren't and so now many years later

[00:33:52] you take all these experiences and you're like a coach for leaders for business leaders and

[00:33:59] celebrities and all sorts of people can you talk about that a little like what I always

[00:34:06] sometimes I'm skeptical of the concept of the coach not so long you know because I think a lot

[00:34:12] of people use the term inaccurately like they're yes essentially just trying to make money

[00:34:19] and they're not really coaching like for instance I've written a lot of I give advice to people

[00:34:26] people come to me or CEOs and so on and ask for advice and I give advice but I would not consider

[00:34:32] myself a coach I am not putting someone on a regimen that is going to give them high performance

[00:34:38] like all right books about it but I just don't won't do it but I think a lot of people who maybe

[00:34:43] don't even have as much experience as me go in there after when their life's a mess and then start

[00:34:49] coaching other people yeah and it just it gives the whole industry like a bullshit taint to us

[00:34:55] yes you you hit it on the head brother you hit it right on the head number one I'm not a coach

[00:35:00] nothing I do is about routine nothing I do is about system it's not compartmentalization

[00:35:05] I think the personal development industry has marketed itself into a place where it is all about

[00:35:11] making money first and helping people second as much as the the average coach wants to argue they

[00:35:17] might hear that and say you're full of crap while I do want to help people the reality is are

[00:35:22] you willing to sacrifice getting paid right now to make sure that the person you're interacting with

[00:35:26] that you've met actually is ready to do the work you're about to put them through and most of

[00:35:30] them will say no I'm not going to give my time unless I get paid and it's right there

[00:35:34] my time is just as valuable as your time so why am I going to charge you for time

[00:35:38] rather than for the result that I could guarantee get you if you engage in the relationship with me

[00:35:43] so that's the first part so I love that you brought that up because I'm not a coach I hate that

[00:35:47] terms because everybody is a coach now everyone figures out a couple things I read a few

[00:35:53] jockeling or David Goggins books and they think you know what I've learned a couple concepts I'm

[00:35:57] going to go on start my own business and I'm going to be a coach for business or lifestyle or I'm

[00:36:02] going to help people have better this in their life and if you look at their lives they're nowhere

[00:36:06] near to but more than two steps ahead of that person that they're trying to help and they're all

[00:36:10] they're doing trying to do is they're trying to capitalize on the system itself and that's just

[00:36:14] an unfortunate part so with you like your people come to you because you don't approach you from a place

[00:36:20] of trying to show how I'm the expert and I'm going to show you how it's step by step

[00:36:24] and we're going to do this you're like I'm here to give you insights and practical advice based

[00:36:27] on your life and where you're at that can influence maybe your decisions your ambitions your focus

[00:36:34] etc and redirect you even if it's one degree to me that's that's like being an advisor or a

[00:36:39] confident for someone in the nature of my work I don't do that I know I'm not for everyone either

[00:36:45] I don't care who someone is or what industry they're in what matters is I just fix lives I'm a

[00:36:50] glorified janitor for all intensive purposes you can call me whatever you want to call me my clients

[00:36:54] call me performance accelerator they call me coach whatever they want to do it you want to label

[00:36:58] me whatever makes you feel comfortable go for it but the idea here is I actually will live with

[00:37:03] and travel with the people I'm working with I'm by their side 24 seven I'm fighting if they're

[00:37:08] their personal battles with them in the trenches as it's happening to them there is no system to how

[00:37:13] I do it there's no cookie cutter approach there's no follow me because I'm just like Tony Robbins

[00:37:19] and I learned from Tony Robbins out of UX YZ I don't use these weird techniques like NLP and all

[00:37:24] these manipulative ideas that people have out there on how to support others I'm just wrong real

[00:37:29] I will say things that people will go I have no idea what you're talking about and it doesn't matter

[00:37:33] what matters is you can lean in to understand that when I say them there's a reason why I'm bringing

[00:37:37] them up I will rattle souls I will push people far outside what their perceived comfort zone really

[00:37:42] is I will fight them I will battle them I will confront them and I will do things that their

[00:37:46] therapists think I Lee are illegal half the times but I'm willing to do it to fix a human beings life

[00:37:52] not because I want to make a bunch of money or I want to help that person make extra money in

[00:37:56] their business or be a better you know influencer and social media is because they're that human being

[00:38:01] is struggling and suffering even though they've got this empire and they want peace they want some

[00:38:05] satisfaction they want a set point of what it's like to actually have better relationships they want

[00:38:09] to know who they really are without the demons up like them I don't think people are doing that nobody

[00:38:14] wants to do that ugly work and I'm willing to embrace that people are not going to like me and it's

[00:38:18] going to take a certain type of person who can go you know what I want that guy next to me I want

[00:38:22] to talk to him more I'm gonna lean into him and in the last piece James really is just like I'm sure

[00:38:27] you probably maybe in some way do it yourself is when I meet someone who might be a potential client

[00:38:33] I don't say okay great let's write a check and work together I'll spend months with that person before

[00:38:37] even decide to do work together because I need to make sure that individual can handle the

[00:38:42] relationship we're going to have together I'm coming to move in with you I'm gonna be right there

[00:38:47] with you as life happens so can you handle it or not if you can't and you're not my person and

[00:38:51] I'm willing to sacrifice by time and even my resources to make sure that person's the right bet

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[00:39:58] So like what's an example where like you mentioned you know you're 24 seven you're traveling

[00:40:03] with them like yeah like how did you get into this like what who who who is someone who was

[00:40:08] and you don't have to get specific names if you don't want but who is someone has approached you

[00:40:11] and then what did you do and like what happened nobody approaches me nobody goes oh

[00:40:19] widely I got a goal approach him in the traditional sense yeah everybody I've ever worked with

[00:40:24] it started with thomad veterans I started my business work with vets deal with PTSD

[00:40:30] giving giving them the space to battle their personal demons for more personal life etc and

[00:40:34] involved where they were saying hey I got a friend who works in this industry or who does this

[00:40:39] we use it down to have a conversation with them they they see how my life is transformed they

[00:40:43] they want to know what I'm doing and I can't explain it other than the fact that you're like my

[00:40:47] battle buddy who's who's loving me and reparenting and healing me and getting me to a place

[00:40:52] of feeling optal personally so that no matter what I do everything is is in a good state I said sure

[00:40:59] and that's where it became the business was built around just this natural eruptive nature

[00:41:03] that I have my essence my spirit that rattles and irritates people exposes in that interaction

[00:41:09] with them the real truth that they're carrying so I'm trying to explain that to you that

[00:41:14] well I meet someone it's because third party introduction someone introduces me to someone

[00:41:20] nobody's gonna see me on your show and go I got a call widely right now and work with them it

[00:41:23] doesn't happen that way it's all about relationships I've made where people like I want to introduce

[00:41:29] you to someone I want you sit out with them then we meet a lot of the times I've been to events in

[00:41:33] the past where I walk across the hotel room or hotel lobby at an event and someone walks up to me

[00:41:38] goes who the hell do you think you are excuse me they're like who are you I watch you I don't like

[00:41:42] you it's like okay I don't even know you they're like I don't know why I said that to you man you

[00:41:46] just remind me of your my father and how how much my father pissed me off you dress like him you

[00:41:51] carry yourself like him and it's like that's the eruption that happens I go great let's sit down

[00:41:55] have a couple coffee and chat and that person is somebody that I'll end up spending time with but

[00:42:00] it's truly completely abnormal I don't do business like everybody else does that's why I'm kind of

[00:42:04] like I'm the choir taste so I hope that helps maybe explain a little bit more for you yeah so

[00:42:09] so give me like a specific story like somebody that you you know really you know did the work with

[00:42:18] man that's that's going to be a specific story that did it work with I've worked with

[00:42:25] public figures in the personal development space I've worked with CEOs of financial executives

[00:42:31] Wall Street guys everybody has their own unique experience of life that is completely different

[00:42:38] their eruptions are completely different with me so the best example I can give you is

[00:42:41] I had a public figure that I work with in the personal development in full marketing space

[00:42:48] like how how public how public was he pretty pretty darn public knows everybody let's just just

[00:42:53] calling no friends with everyone I mean he's you know he's worked with people like Paul up dual

[00:42:58] Tony Robbins like all of them so I met him through a PR contact a mutual friend said hey I have

[00:43:05] a friend of mine in this space he is in a place where nothing is working for him he has done

[00:43:10] this for 30 some years he's burned out he's at its wits end and he needs his life fixed are you

[00:43:17] willing to have a conversation with him and of course that's why I spent upwards of eight months

[00:43:20] with this gentleman prior to us ever working together because I had to go through the ups and downs

[00:43:26] of his life and the betrayals and the lack of trust in the skepticism and all of the components

[00:43:33] to come along in his industry that he is so used to because everybody bullshit's each other in

[00:43:38] that industry every stroke in each other's ego everybody lies to each other everybody sells

[00:43:42] each other markets each other there's a lot of betrayal a lot of fraud a lot of things that happened

[00:43:46] there that he was carrying in his life that were affecting his performance and affecting his

[00:43:50] life with his wife and his child and that relationship was to multiple of us just getting him to

[00:43:55] realize I'm not here for your money I'm not here because of your name I'm not here because of

[00:44:00] for my business sake and I showcase that just in my commitment to that relationship for eight

[00:44:05] months before he realized you know what clearly you were sent for a reason I'm here and I'm ready

[00:44:11] to do the work with you and he committed to doing that work and we spent a year together basically

[00:44:15] uneffing his entire life to get him to a place where he's now living free and unencumbered from all

[00:44:20] of the chaos he's endured his entire life from childhood on so he can experience that fulfillment

[00:44:26] in what he's putting his focus on so again I can't explain it from because I'm not a coach I can't go

[00:44:31] ex public figure came to me for ex problem and here's the solution I gave him and this is his result

[00:44:37] that's too compartmentalized it's very intimate it's very dynamic and different and it's very

[00:44:42] confidential but at the end of the day he's like I have no idea it's not I mean talk about him on

[00:44:48] my website in my client section I have no idea where you came from or why but all I knew is that

[00:44:53] you know this was the life overall that I needed and I said I'm happy to have helped it and you know

[00:44:57] he'll text me every few months just to check in and say hey man everything is great hope you're

[00:45:01] well and that's the end of it. And like what kind of so like once you so you spent eight months

[00:45:05] kind of figuring him out I assume you didn't spend 24 seven with him during these eight months

[00:45:10] no you're just kind of hanging out and talking learning maybe weekly meetings go to dinner go to

[00:45:16] dinner once in a while have full calls couple times we text each other just let him know I'm right

[00:45:20] there by a side you know and then and then once you decided to work together what was the

[00:45:25] what was the first thing what what happened. I that's I'm trying to figure out a way to explain

[00:45:31] it to you it's almost like we were already involved in a relationship together so it was just

[00:45:37] we just kept going it was almost like here's where you just handled the logistics of you right

[00:45:41] you know you write your check to commit to the relationship and we just continue on so I just

[00:45:46] ended up you know I was traveling with him at that time so I was with him some of the masterminds

[00:45:51] you was going to and some of this events he had to go speak out and just being there with him

[00:45:55] behind the stages by his side in his hotel rooms and and it just naturally is a relationship it's kind

[00:46:00] of like having a battle buddy by your side is it is constantly redirecting your focus showcase

[00:46:04] in your blind spots telling you where and how and why it's affecting you how to shift it just having

[00:46:10] that with him as those experiences are happening really help create a new set point within him

[00:46:15] rather than being from an outside in I was working from the inside out so like let's say

[00:46:19] so you're with him and he has a meeting okay a meeting maybe with some you know some peers or

[00:46:26] some colleagues or some people who claim they want to help him have wider distribution and get him

[00:46:31] famous and whatever so you're in this meeting and then he leaves the meeting with you and he says

[00:46:36] man that one guy was an asshole like do then you like start poking at that or like I'm just trying

[00:46:45] to figure out like where did you did you have him like question kind of where some of this anger

[00:46:53] or other issues he was having comes in or yeah we do I mean every time I'm involved in a meeting

[00:46:59] like something like that I'm already observing a paid attention to how the dynamics are playing out

[00:47:03] in the meetings most people go into these types of environments focused on more the

[00:47:09] the negotiation or the interaction they don't understand the the nuance nature of the dynamics

[00:47:15] playing out in the games that a lot of people play so I'm able to just identify that what's going

[00:47:20] under it so if he comes and goes man the guy was an asshole I already understand why he might be

[00:47:24] having that experience with that feeling because I understand what that guy is doing and I can poke at

[00:47:28] or talk to him about why that guy is acting that way what his response or his actions are for that

[00:47:34] relationship how that is actually that relationship between those two are affecting the overall outcomes

[00:47:39] or solutions or performance that they these guys are involved in and help him redirect where

[00:47:44] maybe he needs to go confront that guy maybe he has allowed that relationship to solve for very

[00:47:49] long time because it doesn't want to rock the boat read doesn't want to lose the contact but

[00:47:52] at the end of the day if you don't confront things like that you're never going to get

[00:47:55] to the truth and you're going to allow things to fester and that's going to actually overall affect

[00:48:00] the dynamic that you're partaking in it's going to affect the outcomes that you're looking for

[00:48:03] and it's going to influence your performance it's going to be a problem with how you show up and

[00:48:09] people are going to take advantage of that so it all depends on the individual in this experience

[00:48:13] so I can't highlight that's how it happens every time but I'm right there to showcase where the

[00:48:18] blind spot may be coming from so I can either direct that person to go engage with that relationship

[00:48:23] or just let it go or might might just be something we need to work on within where why does he feel

[00:48:27] and so triggered if you will for that experience what is really going on let's confront what is

[00:48:33] making you feel that way but a lot of the times people don't see those those specific nuance details

[00:48:38] that they don't know how to coach someone through that they just go well okay well so what he's

[00:48:41] an asshole it's business you know nature the beast keep moving forward in his reality is if you

[00:48:45] don't confront those things they get to the truth maybe there's a problem there or maybe there isn't

[00:48:49] but that's the difference is I'm willing to confront that and go all the way to the very edge and then

[00:48:53] then some even if it makes people bad because I want to make sure we've got it all cleared out so

[00:48:58] we can get you to a better place yeah so I'm just trying to figure out like so I understand like what's

[00:49:03] because I think it does sound very real and so I want to see like what's this specific story

[00:49:09] like without the names where or even like just one day in the life of where this was a situation

[00:49:17] you and the person you're helping we're at kind of like he had some blind spot

[00:49:23] and and you kind of like work through it with him

[00:49:27] so I always end up not on any any volition of my own I always end up becoming again this is

[00:49:35] like unique this is like I'm a weirdo my gift I always end up becoming the thing that actually

[00:49:40] has broken or pissed off that person the most so whatever they need to fight against

[00:49:44] I end up serving as for some reason in that dynamic so they can push up up against it and they

[00:49:48] can create some real healing in their lives around it because everybody has something like that

[00:49:53] in their lives so okay so that right there like tell me a specific time when you just like I've

[00:49:58] I've had a knockdown fight with a client I've had it literally get physical and I allowed the

[00:50:03] client to get physical with me like how did how did he why did why was a punch throw like what

[00:50:10] happened I needed him to because in the problem is his ego was so locked in on how he thought

[00:50:16] he should be and could be doing things that I couldn't get through him in our conversation I'm at

[00:50:21] his house and I'm like this his ego is nonchalant attitude you know on former Wall Street guy I got

[00:50:27] it all figured none just all of this and I literally could not sit there and listen to the

[00:50:32] dysfunction coming out of his mouth anymore and he was like I'm good he kept saying I'm good he kept

[00:50:37] with ego is like I'm not me that he was saying that like what were you saying and I know I'm I'm

[00:50:42] I'm pressing here like to get the the actual specifics yeah I'm doing my best to uphold to

[00:50:48] the confidentiality as well that I promise people that I work with so um he had his head in his sand

[00:50:55] I'll over okay I'll give you the surface on one it yet is head in the sand about a side business

[00:50:59] he built multi-million dollar side business he built that his mother and stepdad were basically

[00:51:04] driving into the ground they were letting it leap there was cost him 200 grand a month

[00:51:08] um believing that kind of money so he's in the red and he was like he was almost like it's the

[00:51:14] dog with the coffee in the fire this is fine it was that the whole that meme I'm sure you've seen

[00:51:19] that it was like everything's fine and he was avoiding the fact that that relationship between

[00:51:24] his mother and his stepdad with that company was directly influencing his lack of ability to actually

[00:51:30] grow his other business over here in his financial advising business he had built and he was

[00:51:34] causing him to suffer in his personal relationships with the women he was dating could figure out how

[00:51:39] to get his kids to actually respect him the right way so he had his unruly household and he was like

[00:51:44] no I can just fix this by focusing on on this and he was like I'm good I don't need to worry about

[00:51:49] this business and I said this business is bleeding you as a human being dry and that is influencing

[00:51:55] all of this over here this is the thing we have to attack and he kept fighting me tell me I'm not

[00:52:00] going after that I refuse to do it and I told him you need to stop acting cool and like shit is okay

[00:52:06] and you just start getting real and start being a real man here it started being real with me

[00:52:09] or I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna leave and he goes no I don't want to leave I said then you got

[00:52:13] to get real with me you got to get emotional you started move energy you gotta step up and break

[00:52:17] through whatever bullshit binder you have on and the only way we had to do that was I got the point

[00:52:22] where I grabbed him and I had to physically make him shake and rattle him and confront him

[00:52:27] to the point where I made him reach out and slap me over to hand palm slap me so he can actually

[00:52:32] release whatever thing he had in his way whatever feeling he was carrying whenever blocking his

[00:52:37] mind he was he was holding on to when I got him to get wrong real with me as a man we got down and

[00:52:42] started getting after it we actually didn't arrest him for a few seconds at his house in his back

[00:52:45] porch he sat up and he started to release so many emotions that thoughts and ideas and feelings

[00:52:52] that he never even realized he had trapped inside and we finally were able to get to the truth

[00:52:55] of why he was allowing that dynamic to beat his ass every single day and bleed his personal bank

[00:53:01] and then he realized that's the direction that's the target we have to focus on I couldn't have

[00:53:05] got him to focus on that without him actually getting physical to release whenever ego he was holding

[00:53:10] on to so that's a best way I can just explain that I know it sounds crazy but I got him to open up

[00:53:16] I got him to the real him to real guy that I was waiting to meet and then I finally sat down and

[00:53:21] said now we can execute now we can move forward together so I mean I threatened to leave and give

[00:53:25] him a check back and I was like I'm done and what did he do did he like cut off the mom instead

[00:53:30] of that. Oh wait that was a whole process I took months I mean that was a fighting this mom and

[00:53:34] stepdad the relationship we had to keep we're like that was a whole thing that's it's not as straightforward

[00:53:39] as like hey mom you don't get to run the business anymore it was an eruption of the relationships

[00:53:44] it was him facing the uncomfortable nature of what is going on why it was going on him revamping

[00:53:48] the entire company firing the people that were bleeding him dry hiring people to actually

[00:53:52] actually met his mission statement it was a whole thing that was a whole relationship we spent

[00:53:57] majority of the time together focusing on that now he sold this thing for eight figures so

[00:54:01] at the end of the day it's like that was and that was the thorn in his side where when we started to

[00:54:06] get him to be a man in front that and lead that element he naturally started to experience better

[00:54:14] a performance in his other business his children he started to discipline differently they started

[00:54:18] to listen to him he found a relationship that actually respected him and his life started to

[00:54:23] evolve because he was willing that leadership that man stepped up into that position and started

[00:54:28] to engage the way he was always meant to from the biggest problem that he was overlooking or

[00:54:33] avoiding and I think that's the problem most people is we are avoiding the hard truths about our

[00:54:37] lives and we think there has no effect on our ability to live the life we say we want over here

[00:54:43] or perform the way we want to over here until you confront those demons you're always going

[00:54:47] to be dragging them alongside you and they're always going to limit your capacity your performance

[00:54:52] yeah reminds me of that saying the way you do anything is the way you do everything so once

[00:54:56] we stop the leak that was you know involving both his family his relationships with his mom

[00:55:02] his business life yeah yeah because then it's like every aspect of his life kind of saw that

[00:55:10] that change and then changed along with it where are they up at we are the epicenter over our lives

[00:55:16] you're right you know you realize that everything that we execute upon you like you said well the

[00:55:20] way we do what things what we do everything if you're slacking in any department it's going

[00:55:26] to influence your focus your determination your decision making your influence it's like

[00:55:33] out of the celebrity who is dealing with a lot of chaos in their life and then the route on stage

[00:55:37] telling 250 million followers you know to do X those people are going to be influenced by that

[00:55:41] and do it exactly as that celebrity does will imagine the celebrity having a better life being

[00:55:46] a better person being a better ex you know relationships not being so dysfunctional will change

[00:55:51] the scope of how people are interacting with them and then consequently change the influence

[00:55:55] that they have um it's all parent who we are did you ever do you ever have so when you were working

[00:56:00] with where obviously it's like there's layers of an onion so sure you're you're finding things

[00:56:08] out because for them it's either a blind spot or something they're ashamed about that maybe

[00:56:12] they can fix their lives without confronting this one issue but did you ever find out something

[00:56:17] about someone where you're like whoa this is too much for me good luck I'm out of here no no

[00:56:24] was it was there ever a time where other people would have done that

[00:56:29] they everybody I've worked with has said in some degree in their life that their therapists couldn't

[00:56:33] go beyond where they had taken them their coaches they work with just didn't understand and

[00:56:38] and couldn't figure out the the problem and they never had anybody stay by their side to go through

[00:56:43] that store with them so that's that's just the difference is there's nothing that people can't

[00:56:48] I won't go through with someone who's committed to it um there are people who have gotten to

[00:56:53] a point when my work where we've capped out we've got to a point where they can't go any further

[00:56:58] that they've reached their true peak they're done and we break and move away they depend

[00:57:02] so I mean it's lines will last some time six months seven months and nine months a year

[00:57:06] it all depends on how far they really can be stretched and really pushed to the point where they

[00:57:11] can't do it anymore they're like I'm done and that at least I get them to a place where their

[00:57:15] set point has changed and now they're at least operating at a different level and they're not

[00:57:20] living in that dysfunction that I met them with so it doesn't matter whatever traumas or abuse

[00:57:25] but there are some I met you know some public figures uh specifically one I in my top of my head right

[00:57:30] now who couldn't get past the initial interaction with me because of his past traumas as a child

[00:57:37] I was the biggest threat to him he didn't understand even though he asked to meet me because of his

[00:57:42] friend he asked to sit down with me he couldn't handle the the feelings he was having and how what

[00:57:47] he would have to confront and do the work that he'd do to confront it he was like I'm good where

[00:57:52] I'm at and he just look away and that sometimes happens too well and why was it like what did you guys

[00:57:56] talk about in that initial meeting I didn't talk about anything with them I made him feel

[00:58:00] things he didn't want to feel that's it I met him we went to dinner we have he's a big public figure

[00:58:06] he was like hey what are you doing to my client my client goes hey do you want to can you sit down

[00:58:10] with him and I said sure of course he goes he's coming to town I would love you guys to get

[00:58:14] together he's seen how my life's changed he wants to know what I'm doing uh this guy spent two plus

[00:58:18] million dollars on personal development at the time he's bragging about it and I'm like okay great

[00:58:22] but you're the one to pain you're a little bit still dealing with stuff uh you asked for this

[00:58:25] meeting we're here we're breaking bread together having some dinner um and he his his ego started to

[00:58:31] wax and wane and he couldn't realize that I was not the threat what he was feeling what was coming up

[00:58:38] being around me when I was just exposing in our interaction was everything he was still carrying

[00:58:43] that was causing that pain that he had verbalized to his client or a friend that he said he wanted

[00:58:48] to fix and some people just can't get through that they can't see you are feeling stuff that you're

[00:58:54] carrying I'm not the threat I'm not here to do anything to you I'm just stimulating stuff that

[00:59:00] you need to work through that's just what happens it's hard to explain that to the average human

[00:59:04] being everybody's things that we you know if you can't explain it then it's BS but the reality is

[00:59:10] I'm an experience I'm not something to be thought he thought he thought he could think me he couldn't

[00:59:14] get through that and he's like I don't want to do this anymore and that's okay next person to move on

[00:59:18] so and is it because you think he was uncomfortable revealing what was really at the heart of this

[00:59:26] or yeah he's afraid to use afraid to face it he's afraid to confront it and that's that's

[00:59:31] unfortunate but that's what it is

[00:59:49] it's funny about the health self-help industry like I want to pitch this idea for a TV show

[00:59:54] of a fictional TV show but like a comedy called Guru's Gone Wild and the idea is that you have all

[01:00:01] these self like the whole Southern they all know each other right so they're all friends or

[01:00:05] or friend of me's or whatever and 90% of them are kind of messed up and have really wild stories

[01:00:12] but you don't see that that's like the iceberg below the tip of the iceberg and

[01:00:19] you know but and I think a lot of times people don't even really know like like like okay

[01:00:25] let's start with the assumption that happiness is always a fleeting feeling it's when your

[01:00:29] dope means up and then you go back to some baseline of happiness so for us me I'm not always

[01:00:35] the happiest person I would say in general my baseline is probably below other people's baseline

[01:00:41] so it's it's after really push myself just to feel satisfaction with my life now am I speaking

[01:00:50] a truth about me or am I hiding something like what's your what's your gut no you've been honest

[01:00:57] you've been honest most people aren't happiness is an external thing it comes from the outside

[01:01:04] joy is different from happiness set points like you said your your your baseline is what you call

[01:01:09] it I call it a set point most people's set point is not where they actually think it is now where

[01:01:15] they really want it which is why they can't handle certain levels of pressure and stress when

[01:01:20] it comes to the work they do that's why they get frustrated very easily and then it's why why

[01:01:25] they bullshit themselves on social media and across the like you said I've been a lot of those guys

[01:01:30] I've been a lot of those people in the personal development space because it was the industry that

[01:01:33] I worked in for a minute part of four years before the pandemic I've seen the truth behind the scenes

[01:01:37] a lot of those people private events and parties is they're not very happy people in their personal

[01:01:43] lives but they have an image to uphold they have an empire that they built on the premise of what

[01:01:48] they teach and what they share with the world but the reality is they're at home kind of miserable

[01:01:54] you know bird out inside they're stressed out constantly they're they're always trying to fill some

[01:01:58] void with something they're doing which is why they keep coming out with a new product or a new

[01:02:02] thing and they repackage their coaching and they just got to sell sell sell scale scale scale

[01:02:07] and it's because they're trying to hide the emptiness that they're they're they're they're feeling inside

[01:02:14] you with you you're like look I'm real I'm not happy all the time either am I I'm a man I wake up

[01:02:18] every day I'm not at 10 every day anybody says that they are a school of crafts the reality is

[01:02:22] you can change your set point and you can learn to find joy even in suffering but you're not

[01:02:28] going to always be happy and I think we have an industry that tries to sell people on the chasing

[01:02:33] of happiness rather than learning how to find that set point of joy and satisfaction with where you're

[01:02:39] at and not worried about where you want to be or need to be and realize that you can appreciate what

[01:02:44] you have in these moments how are you supposed to even do that when you attained or achieved

[01:02:49] this next level and that's what a lot of these industry gurus who know each other who stroke each

[01:02:53] other who sell to each other they have built these empires of nine figures 10 figures it's like

[01:02:58] yeah but what has that done for you a lot of them said well I thought I could buy my way out of this

[01:03:02] this problem that I've been deal with for 30 years once I get the money you can't if you can't fix

[01:03:08] your life now you're not going to be where you truly want to be and you you gotta admit the truth is

[01:03:15] I'm not I'm not happy 24 7 life is stressful you wake up every day you go gosh what I gotta do now

[01:03:21] people depend on me I got a family I got work to do sometimes I don't want to even go on

[01:03:25] podcast sometimes I don't even want to talk to people but the reality is where's my set point

[01:03:30] I have a set point of knowing what peace feels like I know how to get to a place of joy even though

[01:03:34] if I'm suffering through something and I want other people to understand you can get that too

[01:03:38] that should be built of a goal because everything else is irrelevant success means nothing

[01:03:43] if you don't have that as a foundation and I think I appreciate the fact you were in you were

[01:03:47] willing to admit that you know hey I'm not I'm below average with this stuff but I think just

[01:03:52] talking to you I can just tell you you're content with what you have done and have achieved and

[01:03:56] you consistently look to better yourself on a daily basis without moving overboard and feeling like

[01:04:01] you just your life has to revolve around self-help I think it's where people get lost too is they

[01:04:05] revolved their life around self-help and they become tunnel vision on it and they realize that

[01:04:09] they don't realize that they're missing out on opportunities and relationships that could be

[01:04:12] more beneficial to them and they're overlooking those blind spots with those demons as I call them

[01:04:17] that are influencing their decisions and keeping them stuck in that paradigm.

[01:04:21] And so you're spending so much time with these clients how does it affect your own personal life like do

[01:04:28] you know date or like what I'm worried so like when you're traveling with you know someone for

[01:04:35] eight months or whatever what happens in your in your relationship well beautiful things I have

[01:04:41] a business partner she is amazing and my wife they know each other so we have this we all we

[01:04:46] were good relationship but the truth is when I got out of the military I did the very thing that

[01:04:50] I'm telling people they needed to do is I was able to confront through the support of an outside

[01:04:55] force someone outside of me holding me in the trenches to face my own demons battle them head on

[01:05:00] creates a resolution in my life where my set point of peace becomes my go-to place where no matter what

[01:05:06] I'm faced with I know how to get back there so my life probably my primary focus when I wake up in

[01:05:12] the morning self-care I take care of myself I exercise I eat well I really don't don't drink

[01:05:17] outside of a little scotch every once in a while I don't drink coffee I take care of my body

[01:05:21] I focus on my relationship because my relationship with my wife is the most important thing to me

[01:05:26] so having that as a baseline or a foundation then allows me to function at a higher level when I'm

[01:05:32] giving my life to a client no when I travel with a client I'm not gone for eight months it just

[01:05:37] means I am my life becomes available to that individual and my wife understands it in my business

[01:05:43] partner or when I work that dynamic together as it's needed so sometimes people need me a lot more

[01:05:48] than the others will need me it depends on where they're at in reality is I get to be home I

[01:05:53] get to be here but they have access to me that's the commitment is like when they when they call

[01:05:57] I pick up my phone when they need me to get on a plane I get on a plane if I'm gonna go spend five

[01:06:01] days with them and go spend five days with them I got to travel to an event I go travel to an

[01:06:04] event wherever they need me I'm there if a client's burned out and he can't get to sleep I'm literally

[01:06:08] on the phone all night with them literally listening to them go to sleep so they can feel like

[01:06:12] they've got a battle buddy right there I'm doing whatever I need to do for that individual based

[01:06:16] on where they're at but my life never gets affected because my life is my priority is my relationships

[01:06:21] my health and my sanity in my place of peace and if I keep that as my focus in my discipline

[01:06:26] everything I'm able to do is exponential that's it do you have more than one client at a time

[01:06:32] because what happens if I see so nobody can ever interfere with another client it's

[01:06:39] I you let me I'll back up that a little I will I will only work with maybe two three max a year

[01:06:45] and that it all depends on when the relationship is forged and it doesn't really overlap too much

[01:06:51] if I work to be client where I've had another client come on board yeah but by the time that happens

[01:06:55] I'm kind of already through the first few months of the uneffing if you will where we go through a

[01:07:00] lot of the real battle stuff we can get to a good place of acceleration now the other person I've met

[01:07:05] I have the space and capacity to kind of have that have that dynamic with them so it just almost

[01:07:09] like naturally leapfrogs itself where I'm not overwhelmed myself but I have had a couple years

[01:07:15] in the past where I've done some consulting simultaneously while working with you know a very specific

[01:07:20] private client that's still I have time and energy to do it because that client doesn't need me

[01:07:25] certain times of the day or night I can give my attention to that other project that I'm working on

[01:07:29] so I find the balance in that the harmony in it and what if it what if it dried up like what if suddenly

[01:07:35] like you say a lot of its word of mouth and you don't really publicize the services what if it dried

[01:07:40] up and and suddenly there's no clients and maybe it's first or period of time and you have a feeling

[01:07:45] it's first or period of time but you don't really know maybe you think to yourself this could

[01:07:50] this dry spell could last forever yeah I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to okay for myself

[01:07:58] I guess I can look at it that way you know I thank God for that and I'm like you know what I'm

[01:08:02] all right I'm in a good place my clients invest you know a very high level high amounts of money

[01:08:08] to work with me so but I take 30 up to the words of 30% sometimes of that money they invest and

[01:08:14] invest it back in them so my bottom line is never what they actually pay me and it's I don't do

[01:08:18] this work for a bottom line but at the end of the day um I'm kind of really bad business model

[01:08:22] because you know I've said no to people who are ready to write checks that are just not they're

[01:08:27] not going to be a good fit there's not going to be someone I can actually jive with and they're

[01:08:30] not going to listen to me they're not gonna follow what I did is I'm I'm sharing with them what

[01:08:34] I need them to do um so I missed out on that kind of person like like what what do you sense about

[01:08:39] that person like what happens they're it's their ego they they have their e they can't separate

[01:08:45] their ego and surrender their leadership they can't truly let go and see themselves as cold being

[01:08:52] an client of mine you know they can't go you know what I've worked a lot of guys that are older

[01:08:56] to me you know I'm in my mid 40s and these guys in their mid 50s and they're like ah they just

[01:09:00] can't set that ego aside some of them are like I want to do this for the brag I had a guy

[01:09:05] literally tell me he goes I just want to do it so I can say that I did it with you because I heard

[01:09:08] you were the guy that that challenges people I want to see if I can meet your challenge and it's

[01:09:12] like I don't work with people simply because you want to do it for some you know bragging rights

[01:09:16] I don't care about the zeros behind your number I at the end of the day it's like my work is truly

[01:09:20] a mission it's not I'm not a coach I'm not somebody who's designed to be a unliked person I'm not

[01:09:26] a false no I don't have followers you know I'm not big on social media it's I'm I'm kind of like

[01:09:30] the guy that's behind the scenes that again the glorified janitor that fixes lives and I challenged

[01:09:35] people away that they're not used to that and so it takes a special kind of person to go let me

[01:09:39] separate my ego and we feel it to wily and I realize I need a guy like that in my corner somebody who

[01:09:45] can who who's not a yes man see a lot of yes man out there so a lot of these these leaders want

[01:09:50] to hire the yes man that they can control a lot of these people like controlling their resources

[01:09:56] because it gives them a semblance of understanding what's going to happen they don't get that with me

[01:10:00] they don't get to control what they're going to get so I'm glad that's the pandemic James I you

[01:10:06] know it's been hard since the pandemic because I think the pandemic broke a lot of people I think

[01:10:10] there are a lot of people out there they are afraid and I've and I've done a lot of work to invest in

[01:10:16] the digital space and the website and it's like I was always behind the scenes didn't need any of that

[01:10:19] jump but I was forced into a position where I put myself out into the public and I've been feeling

[01:10:25] a little bit more of that like you said a lot of the drying up is happening because there are a lot

[01:10:30] it takes a very specific type of person who go well I want to meet Wiley and connect with them

[01:10:34] I want to know what it you know the uniqueness of it I I may not know what I'm going to get with

[01:10:38] them but I can feel something's different and I'm willing to embrace and jump into that unknown

[01:10:43] and that was special when I was a nobody and now I'm coming out here going hey still doing this work

[01:10:48] but I think the pandemic broke a lot of people and a lot of people are afraid to do this and they

[01:10:52] like the feel good stuff the superficial they like the notoriety they want to go after the things with

[01:10:57] celebrity names attached to them they don't want to commit to the hard stuff that really makes

[01:11:02] them very uncomfortable and I think that's the problem I'm facing right now so but I'm open to

[01:11:06] whatever happens I'm here one year I had three clients one year I had one so whatever whatever

[01:11:12] I'm supposed to do I'm just here ready for it and I'll execute upon it as it's needed

[01:11:18] well it sounds really interesting and it sounds really like a different

[01:11:22] take I wish I could I wish I could get an experience of the you know what challenges I feel like

[01:11:29] I need shaking up but it's hard to know from inside yourself what specific thing you need what is

[01:11:36] causing you the frustrations you feel like for me I'm able to write right you know so I write

[01:11:43] kind of very reflective sort of books and I find that to be somehow unlock things because then you

[01:11:48] you sort of you sort of find a story and like an archaeologist you do tiny little digging to see

[01:11:55] what the layers are underneath and that's like what really what I would say good writing is and

[01:12:01] sometimes it helps a little but it's not but I'm directing it like no one's kind of exactly from

[01:12:06] the outside it's like Newton's Law of Physics right and object that's in motion will stay

[01:12:11] motion until outside force is acted upon it people need an outside force to redirect them somebody

[01:12:17] that can clash with them in real time and exposed through that confrontation and I don't mean like

[01:12:24] physical you know you don't have to actually get into a physical fight but actually just like

[01:12:27] a competition dynamic where no stones up in turn I'm going to say things to you that you are

[01:12:34] probably look at me like what did you just say to me why did you just say that to me what does it

[01:12:38] mean but it's it's an on purpose to expose something you can't see but I can based on how I'm

[01:12:47] feeling into an observing your life and your relationships in the dynamics you're engaging and of

[01:12:51] course I have an amazing business partner her specialty her intuitiveness her abilities she's

[01:12:57] like my Reaper drone that's in the sky and I'm the troop on the ground and she's able to navigate a

[01:13:02] widely we need to go here with that person first even though that client I go I want to really

[01:13:06] want to make two million dollars more this month and I really want to it's like yeah that's great

[01:13:09] that's a good byproduct or I'm going to write another book cool but we got to go here first because

[01:13:15] this thing over here is actually what's really affecting you and you're unaware of it and we have

[01:13:18] to attack that first we have to clear that out then the things that you want to create will naturally

[01:13:24] just evolve efficiently for you you know I don't need a teacher billionaire how to make a billion

[01:13:30] dollars you know a lot of guys like I'm going to work with these high level people because I'm

[01:13:34] going to it's like but they don't need to learn how to do that they already know how to achieve

[01:13:39] what I'm here to do is optimize the human being make that person experience this really powerful

[01:13:47] new set point of who they are so they can thrive in their relationships their health is where

[01:13:52] they want it to be their mindset's clear their focus is better their ability to problem solve

[01:13:57] in chaos becomes more efficient then everything they go do just be more exponentially sustainable and

[01:14:04] more impactful that's that's the difference and I think what it comes down to is like you said I

[01:14:08] really want that too it's like great a lot of people say that but the reality is can you can you

[01:14:13] continue on the dynamic with Wiley can you go you know what let's stay engaged I want to learn

[01:14:17] more I'm going to connect with let's talk more and be willing to embrace that it's going to be

[01:14:22] unlike anything you've ever gone through and it's not going to be like therapy it's not going to be

[01:14:25] like coaching and it's going to sound harsh it's going to sound unconventional in orthodox

[01:14:30] but there's a reason behind it there's a purpose that we're trying to expose and a lot of people

[01:14:35] can't handle that they just can't hear it they want things to sound a certain way and feel a

[01:14:39] certain way look a certain way so they can feel comfortable making a decision to work with somebody

[01:14:43] I'm just not that cup of tea for people so that's the difference it is a hard business model man

[01:14:49] it's really hard to be who I am what I do but I you know I'm blessed I got to say that some people

[01:14:54] wanted to do it and I got to do my work for 14 years but at this point you know it's been hard

[01:14:58] because a lot of people are kind of shying away from leaning into what it is I'm offering

[01:15:01] because they can't understand it that's I can't explain it anymore detail on that well how can

[01:15:07] people find you like where do people eventually had a website where do people look yeah wiley

[01:15:11] McGraw dot com w y li e yep McGraw mc g r a w w dot com yep and there's like an email and

[01:15:20] everything and then and you have a book coming out what war was my vacation that's a memoir we've

[01:15:24] kind of been yeah I've been trickle on around that because it's for me to sit down and write a book

[01:15:29] has been a daunting task because I have a very EDD mine and a very creative and like to be out

[01:15:34] doing more physical things but it's nice to have people that are supporting us we'll see where it comes

[01:15:38] I have another one that will need to write to the dark force of high achievement why success is

[01:15:42] killing you and how to save yourself that's another one that uh that we've been putting to go too

[01:15:47] I think probably I need to read that one so hey brother look i'm gonna throw it out there

[01:15:53] I'm always happy to stay uh stay open and dialogue with you bro you know and have conversations

[01:15:57] with you too no that's excellent I might I might take you up on that so well wiley thanks so much for

[01:16:04] or come around the show and also talking military history with me too I always get great pleasure in

[01:16:10] that as uh as our friend Jeremy could tell you but yeah thanks so much and yeah let's keep in touch

[01:16:17] I really appreciate it sounds good I appreciate you having me on too James thank you thanks