Deep Questions to Avoid Shallow Relationships

[00:00:04] This isn't your average business podcast and he's not your average host. This is the James Altucher Show I can't stand small talk like if I'm in a

[00:00:25] All the time actually I'm in situations whether it's like a meeting or a conference or a party for some cause or whatever And I'm just standing there and I don't really like small talk like like oh, how did the Patriots doing football last weekend or

[00:00:43] What'd you do today or things like that? But I do think questions and curiosity are a great way to get to know people like Robin When we meet new people and I start asking a lot of questions you always say oh, he's going into

[00:00:57] Podcast mode like it's almost like you have to explain my behavior like I'm doing something wrong Oh, he's a podcast. I think it's great. Don't worry. He's asking so many questions a podcast but I legitimately get really curious and

[00:01:08] Maybe I do go into podcast mode or maybe when I'm in do it a podcast I go into curiosity mode that I normally like to do like I like to find out about people and

[00:01:19] I've spent a lot of time going on Quora over the years Quora is that Q&A website I think I'm like the fifth or sixth most followed person on Quora Even though I haven't posted there in years

[00:01:30] But there's another writer who was always really great who always posted on Quora all the time her names Dushka Zapata and She always had like interesting answers and I saw she posted something on Facebook where she says questions

[00:01:42] I love asking someone that I'm getting to know like if you're on a date or you meet a new friend or Someone at a party. These are questions. She asks to get to know someone better

[00:01:54] So Jay and Robin I want I think these are great questions that she puts so she says on our Facebook post So I'm gonna ask you guys and and I'll answer also for me

[00:02:03] Some of these questions because they're all great questions the first question she asked which is an interesting one is what do you do on? Sunday afternoons Robin you're gonna go first. Are you gonna think about it first?

[00:02:15] You shouldn't have anything that is like last Sunday. What'd you do? Was sick so so you like normally have COVID and sender That's what you do you like try to like find something new I don't know

[00:02:26] I guess I'm just catching up maybe doing a laundry or like I don't know getting ready for the week I think I think you do stuff around the house and outside

[00:02:37] Right you garden. Yeah, no, no, I don't but I just manage things. I don't even know if you I don't even do we have a garden? Yeah, oh yeah, what's growing? I just had to manage the what's going on in the house

[00:02:49] Sometimes it how do you enjoy yourself on Sunday afternoons? I go on like, you know my Ancestry I do some research on my ancestry. I like that. Yeah Relaxing to me sometimes I would say I could answer for both of us on that is that we often I

[00:03:05] Like to binge watch TV and Sunday afternoons like a good time to do that while also reading or preparing for stuff And I like playing chess on a Sunday afternoons. I'll go online play chess or watch some chess videos I

[00:03:18] Don't really like going outside like a lot of people like to go out on a Sunday afternoon I'm fine just like staying in the house Well, if the horse was closer, I'd go out and ride after horses to form

[00:03:28] I felt like Sunday. It's a time for you to wind down and then prepare for Monday to work Right so Sunday, I would do like laundry

[00:03:36] Do groceries that I just stay at home and go outside because if you get drunk on Sunday, how can you work on Monday? Right, I like that. What is this word that you guys are using laundry? What is that?

[00:03:47] laundry it's sometimes you know when you wear something and get dirty you just put it in the machine I don't think James even knows where the where the washroom is and I think it's upstairs

[00:03:59] Okay, that's true. I think I know I think James think that that's magic genie that Living your house like he would just toss the shirts on the on the floor And then sometime just disappear and the next day just appear clean. It's true. You know, that's what happens

[00:04:17] Everybody now everybody who listens to this podcast knows my hygiene habits But you know, that's why this is a good question actually because on a Monday afternoon People are working they're doing their work Sunday afternoon is when yeah, like for me

[00:04:30] That's when you really can indulge in your interests and things you love like you You said, you know, you like doing the genealogy stuff like and you you don't just like look up Like who is in your family? You like research the history

[00:04:43] So you know all this like revolutionary war history and getting in touch with all my relatives too Yeah, I sort of correspond with people. Yeah, and and J. What do you do?

[00:04:53] What fun thing do you do on a Sunday afternoon? I feel like you watch Star Wars movies I do it's funny. So I do watch movie on a Sunday morning Like you know Sunday morning. You say okay, what movie am I gonna watch?

[00:05:03] Yeah, because when I was younger right Sunday morning is the cartoon right? Sort of feel like the habit so Sunday morning. I'm just like You know make my breakfast and then we just sit down and look on the Apple TV like what should I watch?

[00:05:16] Maybe I'll go go maybe Star Wars or maybe Batman. Maybe you know, like some scary movie That's why we still think you're like 21. I don't know Well, what are your favorite Apple plus TV shows? Oh severance

[00:05:29] Severance was good. Severance. Remember we watched that with the high concept. They're working. You get to Basically detached from all your memories during the work day Yeah, we finished that though. No, it's one we finished season one is definitely season two

[00:05:44] Anger, oh, that was great. Remember. Yeah, really great. I like that so good. That was an amazing cliffhanger Yeah, I'm waiting for we consume a lot of TV and TV is great

[00:05:55] Like we just watched hacks on HBO. That was so good. Yeah. It's really look it up. It's good Okay, white lotus was good on HBO. That was funny. I'm waiting for squid games, too

[00:06:04] Although I saw the trailer and the main guy wasn't in the trailer. Hmm. I don't know It's funny because I can I can never get into squid game, but you know shows like Severance and squid games are very high concept low

[00:06:18] character not really low character, but like not as much as a as a Drama where it's really driven by the character. So so squid games and severance Would almost survive without any one of the characters. That's true. So it's driven by the concept

[00:06:33] Yeah, sometimes I don't like those because I like character driven more But these shows have evolved to the point where there are good characters I want hijacked come back hijacked was great. And then we watch what we watched last night was my favorite

[00:06:45] Uh, I already forgot what we watched. Yes. Well, you know, it's the movie You guys want to I totally forgot what we watched It's my I'm gonna have dementia so good learning about me as my dementia

[00:06:55] That means we both have it because I can't remember. Um, what's it about equalizer? Oh, yeah equalizer equalizer three one It's just came out so good. I haven't watched it, but I saw the trailer. It was so good. Uh with uh,

[00:07:07] There's a Washington. Yeah, although I will say The bob odin kirk uh Thriller, what was that one that just came out recently about a year ago where he's like fighting people Bob odin kirk, you know, he was in Breaking Bad better call saw

[00:07:22] Oh, that was good too. What was it? Oh, was it the I love those kind of movies He's like a spy, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, but it's sort of like there's two types of movies like that where you have like

[00:07:35] The born movies equalized movies jack richer, which we're gonna have Lee child on the podcast the guy who wrote uh, the jack richer stuff, but um, the bob odin kirk one was interesting because he unlike

[00:07:48] Um, and what's the canneries when uh, john wick. Yep. It was so much better than john wick I think yeah, yeah, but all of those the main character like take Jason Bourne

[00:07:57] It's like he never loses a fight. He knows every martial art. He's like perfectly trained and honed He's like a killing machine and the same thing with all of these movies. That's like the that's the genre

[00:08:07] But I think that's what I liked about the bob odin kirk one, which i'm gonna look up the name of that movie right now So I want to make a list of things that you can you can talk to people about

[00:08:16] Because we just had a 20 minute conversation about what movies were watching. Oh, oh it was called nobody Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. What was what to me was great about that is he actually gets hurt

[00:08:27] Yep, so he's it's an equalizer where he gets hurt. He's the underdog like denzel washington He just and i'm not giving anything away. He just can't it's like it's like jason born jason born never really gets hurt

[00:08:38] Even if they're shot somehow like they just pull they pull the bullet out with their teeth And they're in pain, but they know how to they know they're like surgeons on themselves Like they could they could basically perform surgery themselves does not feel pain

[00:08:51] So that's that's why I call it overpowered Like like the the main character is overpowered just can never die. Yeah, well, they're like superheroes without being superheroes It's like a super it's like the superhero genre without them like being bitten by a radioactive spider. Yeah, so

[00:09:05] Uh, but okay But I think the good thing about this question is it does like you say it has it leads to other questions and so on So, okay the next question Dushka supata

[00:09:16] And I encourage everybody to wait what was the first one? What do you do on a sunday afternoon? Oh, okay. Second one is what are you reading? Why am I reading? instead of instagram or tick dot which by the way You know no, no, i'm agreeing like like

[00:09:32] Social media does you only have so much time to devote to reading and so every second you're on social media You could have been reading a great book Although I will say a lot of books are not as great as people think

[00:09:43] And sometimes there are things on social media that are very artistic and beautiful It reminds me of like tv for decades people were tv snobs Oh, we're not going to allow tv in our house, but we just subscribed all these tv shows and movies

[00:09:57] They're like works of art like the best writers. Yeah, not always But many of the best writers out there are working on tv shows like you know And now we can't remember any tv show you ever watched but severance is great

[00:10:09] Severance is great. It's a work of art. Yeah. Oh the morning show the morning show. Do you like it? I watched the first season and but I didn't finish it. I think I've watched until the very last episode

[00:10:20] It felt too real like I want to watch it. I know. That's not real. You know, it's like it's based on yeah It's kind of based on a couple of different shows like it's

[00:10:28] I would say so it's very roughly on the today show. Yeah, and hax is kind of very roughly based on like the life of jones rivers but um That's why I like all the superhero movie because I want something that's not

[00:10:42] Realistic that's why severance is great. Yeah, like you sort of able relate to relate to it But you know that it's fake again because it's like super high concept. Yeah Whereas other shows again are very

[00:10:55] Character driven we could basically have to have this entire discussion in terms of Thing to ask people so what are you watching lately? But you'll be surprised a lot of people they're like, uh, no i'm not watching anything. I'm not Watching

[00:11:10] I think about tv like if you if you admit you binge watch netflix instead of saying, oh, i'm Uh watching works of art, you know projected onto my tv screen. That's not socially acceptable But okay, what what are you reading? What are you reading these days?

[00:11:24] I have tons of social media, but I always really uh reread the Not norse mythology by neil gayman. Oh, yeah, okay I love it so much. I'm reading the bible the bible she is and you know what?

[00:11:37] Yeah, she's turned me on to it and it is much more deep and complex Than I ever thought Because I've I've read Like I when I was a kid I read the bible from front to back with like a children's version of it

[00:11:51] So I know all the stories, but I didn't really realize the depth of the philosophy And like many People I always kind of felt Eastern religions were very philosophical and and the bible was very story driven

[00:12:05] But now I'm and i'm usually here's a use of chat gbt. I'm saying To chat gbt. Okay compare this the story of jobe in the bible to the babgagita in You know hinduism and then it's interesting to see how chat gbt constructs these comparisons

[00:12:22] So that's a use of of ai for me, but you are reading that i'm reading proverbs proverbs Especially we're doing it every day because there's 31 proverbs. So each like the day it's the seventh So we read the seventh chapter of the proverbs. It's interesting because

[00:12:36] I you know, I just moved right it's moved to pretty christian community like every almost every week I would see people talk about christianity and then and they will explain to me like It's funny. So the other day I was the last week

[00:12:50] I was walking my dog and I saw this lady was reading the ancient history of israel I'm like, oh, this is interesting book like who would pick up an ancient history about israel and I asked her like

[00:13:00] Why do you read that? She's like well, it's closer to the old testament. Yeah or the dead sea scrolls I have a book of the dead sea scrolls. Yeah, so that's interesting too, but those are that specifically

[00:13:11] Historical around the time of jesus because that's when they were supposedly written and but the history of israel There's so many different I mean basically right near israel where iraq is is the supposed garden of eden

[00:13:22] But israel itself has been ruled by so many different like empires you go from the israelites the hebrus to You know the assyrians to the babelonians to the persians to the greeks to the romans to

[00:13:35] The english to what's happening in israel today with all the wars like it's such it's the most war-torn country historically ever Probably I always wonder why like is it just because religion or is it because it's on the trade route?

[00:13:50] It's probably because it's not a trade route more religion. I mean their brothers the shia and the suni no, but like historically

[00:13:57] Like why why were the assyrians and the babelonians interested in israel and why and when and by the way israel itself was an empire when it was you know When king davis supposedly this is more the mythology of the bible is unclear if this really happened but

[00:14:12] Israel was the biggest trading country in the world during the time of king salomon Supposedly we don't really know for sure. Yeah, well, maybe it has to do with being in the fertile Yeah, you know

[00:14:24] I guess also to get to egypt from i don't even know the geography so i'm not gonna comment right next it's through palestinian territory into the Into the point of each of us right there and i guess like for me what i'm reading is because we you know

[00:14:39] We have three guests on a week usually for a broadcast I'm always reading Like right now i'm reading the next book by lee child and the an android child in the jack reacher series. It's called the secret I'm reading shame parishes book clear thinking

[00:14:54] I'm going through the latest version of the new version or a 10-year anniversary edition of the miracle morning by howl rod And then for myself personally, i'm trying to you know Journey on his quest towards regaining my chess mastery So i'm always reading

[00:15:11] Chess books and i'm reading one really great novel called ultra luminous by kathryn far who's a Really great writer Well next question. Who do you miss? Who do I miss? I didn't think I have missed anyone. Do you miss your parents? I miss robin

[00:15:42] Are you right here? You don't miss her But do you miss your parents during melasia? I think I did because like once in a while i would dream about my parents Yeah, yeah, and then I dream about my

[00:15:52] Especially recently I dream I dream about my grandparents and they both passed away for a couple years now I'm like, why are they like trying to come back and tell me something?

[00:16:01] You know how asian are always superstitious. Did you spend a lot of time with your grandparents when you were younger? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I live when I was younger my grandma's the one that

[00:16:10] Sort of raised me because my parents always working. Yeah, it sounds like me. Yeah, what would you do with her? Uh, I just travel with her like we just sometimes we'll live in like some like

[00:16:20] My aunt's house with her and then you know, sometimes she will walk me home from school and stuff like that And school bus and stuff like that. Do you live in like some

[00:16:28] Squalid malaysian slum it's it's on a tree. It's like a tree house and we have to climb up Okay, it's it's it's like a terrace uh, no a terrace. Yeah. Yeah terrace right? We call it terrace

[00:16:39] It's like a yeah, it's like a you know house and stuff like that And and robin, who do you miss? Yeah, I mean I miss my kids. Yeah I miss you when you're gone And I've been traveling a lot. Yeah, and I miss my mom when she's gone

[00:16:54] I miss my grandparents and I miss my friends I guess most of all like I probably think every day about how much I miss my kids because they're in New York City Yeah, yeah That's the same with me. So yeah, because your your kids essentially

[00:17:10] You know where two of them just kind of left the nest. Yeah fairly recently They're in school, but they come back. They always come back. I still talk to you a kid Uh, I still talk to John all the time not all the time

[00:17:20] But like I was sending her like some funny stuff on instagram and she would come back. They're so busy in school though You know, so but this is like these again as a reminder to our listeners These are questions you asked to get to know someone better

[00:17:34] And I think like like jay we just learned this huge thing about you that basically your your grandma kind of raised you and We learned a little about Malaysian culture and and so on so this is live on the tree and it could lead to other questions

[00:17:47] And so on. Yeah, this is an interesting next question. When was the last time you lied? Oh, you mean like five minutes ago Well, on average people lie four times a day apparently holy shit

[00:17:59] So when was so you probably did lie at some point today or yesterday. Well, when was the last time you lied? Mmm Uh Today's probably hard because it's not like it's a sunday or it's a saturday. It's not like I've spoken to that many people Yeah um

[00:18:16] Oh, I think I just like to someone when I say like yeah, I live in new york. It was great Oh, yeah, that's all that that counts as a lie. So okay, why do you feel compelled to say it was great?

[00:18:29] And by the way about the way you said that i'm assuming you think it wasn't great So another question could be like why don't you think new york is great? But like what why did you feel compelled to lie though?

[00:18:37] Oh, because like in everyone's like so we were talking about oh already a lip blah blah blah and then they're like Oh, new york, right? It must be great, right? And I'm like, yeah, it's great

[00:18:47] So so I don't want so we're talking to strangers. I don't want to But maybe parts of new york you like is great. No, but he lied though. Yeah, you felt like you lied Yeah, I felt like a right lie. He felt he was trying to not

[00:18:59] Basically have a point of contention because I guess people New york city is one of those cities where you're either religious that it's great Yeah, like obsessed with the fact that it's great or you hate it

[00:19:10] Yeah, and also I think I felt like it's an ego thing, right? Like when people like, oh, yeah, you live in new york city How was that? You know when I'm talking to strangers, right? So I have to be like, oh, yeah, new york city is great

[00:19:20] You know, it's great But then down I'm like, yeah, I have to hustle out to pay so much for rent and stuff like that But when you say that though, don't they ask well, then why did you move here if you think new york city is so great?

[00:19:29] I just like yeah because my boss moved down here and I moved here. Oh, like I forced you No, no, it's like I I moved my evil slave driving boss. Yeah, like Let's say right Robin like so let's say

[00:19:42] You live in new york before like if a stranger just walked up to you like, oh, yeah, you live in new york Like however much years like ask james what I say. Oh, what did she let's you say?

[00:19:51] Well, yeah, what do you say? Well most of the people you talk to probably don't like new york I don't care. I just say I did not like it. So I think new york city is great for a lot of reasons but I look I thought in my

[00:20:05] I'm not hate talking about this article But in that article I say new york city is great But these are problems that are going to happen which are now happening And we should try to avoid them which everybody

[00:20:15] Show then what I really grew to hate about new york was the reaction a lot of people had Towards me, but in general I like the fact that new york city is a great walking city

[00:20:23] I like the fact that you know, I don't really miss anything. There's a lot of opportunities there Although the good thing about all this remote work stuff is that the opportunities of new york city and san francisco and la

[00:20:37] And other major cities has dispersed now through the country Because people have moved like everybody I know many of the people I would say 80 percent of the people I knew in new york city have moved or at least gotten

[00:20:47] You know temporary other homes elsewhere and seem to be permanently staying there Well, I I guess when I say it's great because I do want to disappoint them and then it was great

[00:20:56] When like when I was there when I was doing a bunch of stuff. I'm like it was great then but when I in retrospect It's a lot of hard work. It's a lot of hard work to live in new york like if you're not there for the money

[00:21:09] It's expensive. It's dirty. It's crowded. It's dirty. There's crime Brats everywhere. Yeah, and it's on top of other people like you're constantly on top of people even though like you pay And they're not nice most of the people I mean miserable

[00:21:23] Yeah, even if you pay like a lot of money to rent a place you're still gonna be stacking on top of other people It's not like you have your own place But I do I do think it's a great city and just like you know when

[00:21:35] You know, I don't know Rome was sacked And eventually rebuilt itself 500 years later. I think New York City will eventually come back ron. What's the last time you lied? I was just thinking about that. I mean, I really honestly can't remember. I think I was probably young

[00:21:52] The last time you lied. Yeah, I don't like liars And I truly really honestly try to be honest and I don't lie But sometimes lies are subtle like not a big lie. No, I don't even like I have a real big problem

[00:22:04] And you know I talked about this when people say white lies Those to me are real lies. But even even there are lies that are like Not even like, okay. I lied about 20 minutes ago and I'll tell you what yeah

[00:22:16] I told you a tweet that was trashing me. It called me various names Right, but because I didn't want to get that into it. I combined two tweets As one tweet to describe this this tweet

[00:22:28] There's actually a set of tweets this guy made about me calling me Hitler or whatever And I combined things he said in multiple tweets. So I didn't have to really describe like multiple tweets You just said tweeted Yeah, so okay, but that's like kind of half life

[00:22:44] Yeah, because I just I didn't say it was multiple tweets. I said oh this is I basically said it was a tweet I don't have to say like Robin's very honest like very straightforward too. Yeah, I really I don't really Have a problem telling people my real feelings

[00:22:59] Yeah, because like sometimes I'm like oh, uh, Robin. How do you feel about this this like this this scene or like this this set of this This uh, this set Robin would be like no, I don't like this. It's not like this is so great

[00:23:10] But you know and see I it's good because like my kids. I think I feel like are like that too Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I I talk, you know, I totally don't

[00:23:19] He's like yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and like Sarah super honest. Lily. I mean like I I don't I just don't like um You know That type of person that just says something just to appease you and so my kids aren't like that

[00:23:34] So they're a good reflection of me. I agree. Look, I feel like in terms of major lies. I feel like it's been decades Yeah, since I was trying to make someone else happy And and that's lying. Although maybe not true like I think

[00:23:49] In between marriages before I met you Robin. I probably you know Let's say dated some people that I might have disagreed with on things But I wouldn't really say something so those are sort of like lies of silence

[00:24:02] Because you didn't feel probably comfortable with it. I mean when I was insecure Like I was probably insecure and I wanted them to like me That means that you are insecure when you do have to lie to make people like you you feel like

[00:24:13] If I don't say the truth then they're not gonna like if I say the truth They're not gonna like me. See I feel like I feel like the all the time, you know

[00:24:22] I feel like I want people can see through your you doing that. Yeah, but the thing is like it's it's a self What what do you call it's like a like a self aware thing? Like I want people to like me, you know

[00:24:32] So I want sure but they would like you more if you were just Yourself, I think it's different than Robin. Like I don't think a lot. I think some people They they want to listen They want to listen the right thing that coming up from your mouth Right

[00:24:48] They want to listen to the echo chamber, but but then the question is why do you want to even talk to them? See I I do not talk like that. Yeah, exactly I won't talk to those people or I won't say anything

[00:24:59] I'll just listen because I could say something that they don't like but I just yeah Yeah, Rob, I could definitely say things that they don't like but I would say that's the thing one good way to avoid lying is to

[00:25:10] You know, there's that saying you're the average of the five people you spend time with Just don't spend time with people you feel that you need to lie to That's why I moved on to Georgia

[00:25:18] If you can't say something nice don't say something at all. So if you can't say something truthful Don't say anything at all. There you go. Right. So okay next question How many really good friends do you have? Oh

[00:25:32] We always wonder about this on the podcast actually I always ask the guests. Yeah, I think I only have two Like so what what constitutes a really close friend? Yeah, that's how to define. Okay, maybe I would define it as Someone I could call anytime

[00:25:48] Ask for any kind of help and vice versa and I can be totally honest with about like what's going on in my head and what's bothering me And vice versa everything's vice versa I think I have one or two one is Singapore and one isn't jersey

[00:26:03] Yeah, and also the you enjoy being spending time with them. Yeah, and you could be silent with them Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah That definitely definitely my friends in Singapore for sure because like if I do something bad like he would call me out right away

[00:26:15] I'm like, okay. Sure whatever, you know Yeah, and and how many really good friends do you have? I'd say maybe 10 10. That's a lot I would say three or four

[00:26:30] You guys are a lot more social than I I feel like I'm social but I keep everyone older than you so we've collected friends Yeah, you kind of have archaeological layers of friends, right? But but the thing is like didn't they didn't they have this like

[00:26:42] A saying that like you have let's say you have You can make like 100 friends friends when you're in school and then when you hit your 30s and 40 and most of them

[00:26:51] I just left I couldn't laugh you right. Yeah, but that's why you don't have I have a lot of friends We have a lot of social friends Yeah, but like people that you would actually tell your you know

[00:27:00] But and I have a lot of good I have a lot of like friends that I really like You wouldn't like ask them to I wouldn't call necessarily all of them at like four in the morning and say right

[00:27:08] I don't help. Um, can I you know suffering from a heroin overdose come pick me up at this hotel? in Whatever they get out of Atlanta so James wouldn't have any friends after that. Do you get along with your exes? No

[00:27:26] I didn't talk to him. I only won but I didn't talk to them as much The exes for some reason Yeah, other than I don't get along with your exes

[00:27:39] Well other than the mother of my children, I talked to zero of my exes right and what about you don't talk to her either Yeah, but what about you? Well might have passed away My but you've had more exes than that

[00:27:54] Well, I mean like I don't talk to my ex. I mean my my old boyfriend I don't talk to my old boyfriend. Um, also you probably have nothing to talk to them about Yeah, that's just it like that's the reason why their exes. Yeah

[00:28:07] So you brought out of things to say and do and want to do with them Yeah, and uh, yeah, I generally didn't talk to my uh, I think I think I learned a hot way that Hot way that uh got humiliated by one of them. I'm like, yeah

[00:28:20] Would you would you? Go out with somebody who always Hung out with her exes. No No, that's weird. That's a rat. That's a rat flag right there, right? I think that's weird. Yes, we are. Why is that a red flag? I think there that's a little bit

[00:28:35] Like I wouldn't like it because I'd be afraid she'd sleep with them. Yeah for instance With your ex like she's calling you why would why would like she wants a husband but without being a wife Right. It's like That's my husband

[00:28:50] You're talking to my husband. Yeah, she shouldn't be You know Acting like your wife well Right, I I agree. I would not I would not go out with somebody who's like hanging out with her exes all the time Yeah, because like what if they relapse right?

[00:29:04] Yeah, and then one time I was dating someone who she really wanted me to get along with her most recent ex And she had just left him And he basically we're all hanging out and he got drunk and basically tried to beat me up So

[00:29:21] So just in general, okay, that's a big red flag Yeah, yeah, I wish I had taken it by more of a red flag. Yeah that relationship survived a few months um Yeah, like if you if you get along with their exes you feel like you're hurt willing

[00:29:37] Yeah, yeah, you know, it's it's a what do they call it a trifecta or something like that Yeah, something like that But uh, I'm it's just plain and simple if they're hanging out with their ex

[00:29:48] I'm gonna be jealous that they're gonna end up sleeping with their ex in a period when they're having an argument with me Yeah, and that might be insecurity on my part I'm not really a jealous person, but that what it's not necessarily jealousy like that is what happens

[00:30:00] So I have seen enough. I have seen enough movie and rom-com that that happened It happens in every single rom-com And it's so annoying You can't they can't even in a rom-com. They can't even be friends with someone from the opposite sex

[00:30:12] Or they're definitely sleeping with that person Oh, yeah, yeah, if they have them if they have a Boyfriend and and a best friend. They're sleeping with both in the movie. Yes, so That's why you like rom-com Where did you go on your last trip? Denver LA Denver

[00:30:44] Oh, yeah, you spoke of podcast movement. Yeah, it was great in Denver. Yeah, Denver Uh, not it's specifically in aurora, aurora, colorado. It's it's a land. It's a land of nothingness That's nothing there, but you enjoyed it though. You met a lot of people

[00:31:00] Oh, yeah, I met a lot of people chat with a lot of people met like some new friends Yeah, and putting the james out at your shows name out there. Yeah, you know, I mentioned it all the time

[00:31:09] So I don't have to speak at podcast conferences anymore. You're speaking of the podcast conferences Yeah, and robin one. Where was your last trip? It was I believe it was in california with you

[00:31:18] And j. Oh, yeah, we went to um, wait, do you not go to amsterdam with james? No, she didn't go to amsterdam You let me go to amsterdam all by myself. So I was taking a walk with these guys and um my friend dirk who's the editor of

[00:31:33] New in chess he was like saying oh And he he was just being very serious like, you know the architecture in the red light district is very interesting You want to walk by it and I could because he's from there

[00:31:43] He said I could point out all these different things and I said no I've got this find my phone app on my phone and if I walk through there my wife will see what is he doing Walking in the red light district at like stopping at different buildings

[00:31:56] Slowly uh he and there was one other person with us laughed like that's funny because you're right But they didn't question. I know that any question. Is that a little weird that your wife's fight? They didn't question that part

[00:32:07] I thought they maybe were they're just like just laughed and like we didn't go But wait, wait, what if james started getting high over there? Yeah So, you know on there for even if you were walking down the red light district

[00:32:21] I mean I wouldn't I mean I would you oh you would call like that one time My power of my phone went out in brooklyn and I was like in the middle of the brooklyn

[00:32:29] Just wandering around but you and then and then I was like on the somehow I got I Charged my phone in this bodega and then it got into an uber and you're like, where were you and Where are you now?

[00:32:41] And I thought I was still in brooklyn, but the uber had already crossed over into Manhattan So I have to I have to over Explain oh, I I'm in uber. I didn't know it already crossed because I was talking to you anyway You would definitely call that second

[00:32:56] It's it would be it'd be 3 a.m. In in no no actually it was only because it was around 10 p.m In amsterdam was like 4 p.m. Here. So you were you would definitely have called right that moment

[00:33:09] To be fair in new york city if your phone went out and no one can track you down People definitely should call, you know, you never know what's going to happen in new york city

[00:33:18] You know that's so I use it as a as a safety thing with all the kids, you know and you yeah I need safety Well, I mean just you see okay But like look you left your phone one time in the uber. We were able to find that

[00:33:31] Yeah, yeah in england like there's things that's just I just do that because I'm just safety first You know living overseas. I'm really aware of everything this show is sponsored by the app find your phone phone finder by apple. Yeah, um

[00:33:46] My last yeah, yeah, my my last really fun trip was was amsterdam where I observed this uh, this Very high-end chess tournament with all these ex world champions in there and it was so much fun robin should have come with me, but she didn't

[00:34:02] And um, but no you had things to do here. There's stuff was going on All right But you know, these are all really good questions to ask someone to learn about them like then you learn their interests You learn their job you learn

[00:34:15] Actually, I forgot where you should oh yeah, we went to la because we were Visiting that company. Yeah, and then vegas Uh, she didn't go to oh, I went to vegas. Yeah, but that was for a conference. Yeah, I went from amsterdam to las vegas like probably

[00:34:28] How many sin cities are there's there's amsterdam is like a sin city los vegas And I didn't go to either of them. Yeah, and new york is a sin city too. I don't know if new york is

[00:34:38] New york or like like like like the product of amsterdam and las vegas is like rice You know, it's like you would think of it that way Like if you what is amsterdam and las vegas known for either not, you know gambling in las vegas but also

[00:34:52] Let's say prostitution and and you know amsterdam is known for like drugs and prostitution Um, what's another sin city like that like maybe bankok. I don't know. Oh, yeah bank. Oh for sure That's for prostitution mcow. Maybe I don't know that's kind of high-end gambling

[00:35:07] Or montecarlo. I don't think that is a sin city even though it's like gambling. I'm a good kid I never go to any sin city. That's why I don't know about them Atlantic City Navy, um That's like a really tell us james Yeah, yeah, how do you know?

[00:35:23] I spent the summer in atlantic city playing poker in 1999 summer of 1999 I had a house on brigantine and I would go every day to play poker in the toz trump taj mahal casino What would you do if money was not an issue?

[00:35:38] I don't know. I don't know if I would live differently if money was not an issue You know Like I it's weird. So so I think I got this from my parents and part of the reason why

[00:35:50] Also because I'm asian like even if I have like a billion dollar I would still want to work like yeah, like I think I told you guys there's like if I don't work I would get sick. Yeah

[00:36:00] I feel the same way. It's it's I have to do I have to Have something going on Yeah, I think it's more like I mean Warren Buffett puts it well You don't want to work in the sense that you always want to do what you love

[00:36:13] So you skip all the way to to work and if you're doing what you love, it's not really work So like why would your life change just because of money? Ideally you've set up your life to do what you love, but not everybody has that opportunity

[00:36:26] But I would suggest that if you're not Working on things you love at least Some percentage of the time Make it a quest for yourself to try to monetize a little bit something you love or don't give up the things you love

[00:36:38] So you could do more of the things you hate just for money because you know It's the cliche life is short But obviously you need to have money to do certain things that you might not do

[00:36:47] You didn't need the money right, but it's a but a weird one is to set up a like a professional recording studio Like if money wasn't a thing

[00:36:55] Yeah, but then you'd have to get clients for it. Well if money is not a thing, right? I just can't have I just Yeah, I just can't what would you do there? Would you make music your own music?

[00:37:03] Yeah, probably music podcast and everything just create something fun and something experimental Okay, let me ask you a question. You can do that down here. Why don't you just yeah, just set up a studio down here

[00:37:12] Professional studio. I don't know. I'm serious. We have a room down here that's empty That's he can make a professional studio and that's by all they bring all my equipment here. Yeah, everything's here Why not? Yeah, and then how come more people do this like

[00:37:25] You can make music right you could sample stuff And so take your favorite songs sample them and lower take a you know Take a youtube course on how to blend samples together So they sound like in sync with each other and then use auto tune

[00:37:38] So that your voice is in perfect harmony, and then you can make music How come everybody just doesn't make music? Well, no, you don't really need any musical talent Yeah, no everyone like music, right? Everybody loves listening music

[00:37:47] Yeah, so that's a difference between love listening to music and love and love creating music I love watching movie, but I'm not sure if I love creating

[00:37:57] That's true. You know what I mean like I look like some people they love reading books, but they might not love writing books Yeah, well actually it's an interesting thing. So I always thought

[00:38:07] You know it's it was good for my kids to watch tv when they were little Because that gets them exposed to many many stories and they get some potentially good at storytelling So do you think Observing something

[00:38:19] Even if you're not passionate about it makes you better at understanding that topic for sure. Yeah, like I If you watch a basketball game, do you think you will slightly ever so slightly improve a basketball? At least for me? Yes. So I'm

[00:38:34] What what do you call like you I learned by watching things right like your visual Yeah, visual. So so let's say if I want to play basketball

[00:38:42] I will watch a bunch of basketball game and then I will visual myself doing some sort of move for the basketball team Like during the basketball game and then try it out on the court and see if it works or not

[00:38:54] Yeah, I'm definitely like that and you know while watching movie. Yeah, I learned by observing Yeah, me too. Like we watch the not an auditory more visual We watched the equalizer last night and basically in nine seconds. I could kill the both of you

[00:39:08] I want to just be an MMA. Yeah Yeah, at least you know the concept like maybe because I I I really everything to physics so anything that's physical. I'm like, okay. This makes sense. How white is work this way

[00:39:21] So those are Dushka Zapatas questions to get to know someone better And she she concludes it with you know, this is like a kind of a blog post She concludes it with and And she says and of course before we go any further. Do you love me?

[00:39:37] So that's what she would ask someone if they get to the little better But then she says she's just kidding But I think that's actually a reason that would be if you're on a date

[00:39:43] That is a fun question to ask at the end first day would be creepy though That's a little bit, but that's if you're that's if you say it seriously Like I really need to know if you love me already Like that would be that would be creepy

[00:39:54] But if you kind of do it like in this priming sort of way where you kind of like Set the bar the bar really high But like in this art this kind of humorous way

[00:40:04] Then that kind of primes the date and right is it we've talked about this I think I forgot who we talking about this. It's basically a manipulation tactic to kind of ask that in a joking way Oh, was it that's not good

[00:40:16] Might have been but it might have been someone else. I think I feel like it was more recent So don't do that because of manipulation. That's It's not it's not so much It's the same as like I think was it the anchor bias like

[00:40:30] Yeah, you go into the you go into a Negotiations and they're like oh how much money do you want for this product? You're like, oh, maybe 50 million But yeah, just joking. Yeah So it's like an combined right like if you said it seriously

[00:40:43] They would think you were weird or stupid but if you're just like making it as a joke They take it as a joke. They forget about it But it really just sort of anchors them at a high number without them necessarily realizing it

[00:40:52] So it's a good sales slash negotiation technique. Yeah, but okay. I'm going to ask you guys this question I'm sure you guys this is like the common questions I think we've we talk about this in uh in other episodes, but uh

[00:41:07] If there's one person you can have lunch with who would you have like that or a lie? Robin Ruben's in there. I mean he's watching. I don't know. I don't like having lunch with people

[00:41:22] Like lunch and talk to them. Um, I think it would be um, Alexander the great really why? I don't know I feel like he was just okay now i'm gonna invade persia

[00:41:36] And I don't know. I just want to know what was he thinking and how at such a young age how he was able to Just take over all these countries and beat like was he scared was he like, okay? Where did he get his what?

[00:41:54] One question so you ask him I want to know how He felt so confident What made him feel that he could do what he did At this at that age. Well, that's pretty amazing his father philip of messa donia obviously

[00:42:10] Was a strong king as well. So probably he got a lot of confidence from that and his teacher by the way was Aristotle yeah, the most famous philosopher ever so Aristotle probably He was like what was he

[00:42:22] Nice 16 I thought I think it was 16. Oh, what's it? I don't know and he died. He died pretty young right? Yeah, yeah, yeah I guess I would want to have lunch with someone like buddha to see if they were the real deal Like if it was real or

[00:42:37] If I felt there was if I sent some kind of bs there I mean all the south afghur have some sort of BS right even like queen elizabeth would be fun to talk to like everything that she experienced

[00:42:48] That's funny. So you like someone with like a military thing to talk about well just to understand First of all someone that's old Okay, so alexander the great wasn't old right but someone that has really experienced like

[00:43:03] Real world experience like that have controlled and and conquered and the world I don't know. I think it's so interesting Look, I feel like we've had The most interesting people alive on this podcast among the 1500 podcast guests that we've had

[00:43:21] Uh, so I've already done it. We've already had lunch with what about people that are dead though Yeah, I don't I don't really want to have lunch with any of them

[00:43:31] Those people I think I want to have people I want to have one with uh kengis gun or hitler Oh, you can have one just hang his car would be interesting. Well because like like, you know like

[00:43:41] So let's say if you have lunch with like superhero or like people that like really Kind hearted like you know, you know, you already know their motives, right? Yeah, because they want to help people their self selflessness

[00:43:52] You know, but like what about hitler and kengis gun? What what drives them to do about sun sue He would be cool to talk to but I feel like we would know what they would say like

[00:44:01] Like hitler would basically say he was driven by I mean hitler was driven by power and by german nationalism Like he felt germany was the greatest Race of all and that it should it should work rule the world

[00:44:13] And that the source of all of germany's problems were jews. And so you got to kill all the jews He was jewish, so yeah, no, but he who knows we we don't really know about kengis gun But kengis gun and killer is very different.

[00:44:24] Kengis gun was interesting in the sense that he understood Not it wasn't important just to conquer Everybody like he had this need to have his seed spread ever He basically raped every woman he encountered which is why we're all descendants from kengis gun

[00:44:39] So you guys right? He didn't he didn't cross the ocean. Did he? No, but kengis gun he raped like thousands of people. So yeah Everybody has got Kengis gun is an answer to essentially everybody in european asia

[00:44:51] According to my dna. Yeah, no according to my dna. I have no mongolian in my dna. Really? Yeah, well, all right Then I guess he didn't rape enough people Well in the conquer I'm related to really the concruiser

[00:45:02] But you know kengis gun is much longer than that than this. You might your dna might not those are the only Only conquer i'm related to that. It might be like one 10,000th of your dna so it'd be too small to recognize

[00:45:14] Hmm. I don't know but you're like you do you have any asian you have asia I definitely have asian I I was hoping that I had some dutch in me, but apparently I denied all asian

[00:45:24] Well, I guess because the dutch were the first to reach out to not reach out but like they conquered No, no, but marco polo and the 1200s would trade with china. Yeah, so okay, that's 10 or so questions that you should ask to get to know people better

[00:45:41] I totally stole his content from duskas zapata's facebook page But you should check out all her questions and answers on quora. She really writes really great. Thanks, raman. Thanks jay and it's fun

[00:45:53] Go do more. Yeah, we'll do more. It should be like an ig live or something. Yeah Let's do it